Bluestocking Impressions

2009-08-04T15:28:00.002-07:00

Item One: Check.

Item Two: Check.

Item Three: Check.

If only life were quite that simple.

I did run, I did cook, and I did write. Queries, in fact. The first queries I've sent out in several years.

For those who don't know what queries are, count your lucky stars. For those who do, rejoice with me. And for all of you (especially, say, anyone of my acquaintance who happens to be an agent but has never mentioned that fact) I present part of my query letter:

What happens when a 21^st-century teen meets a 19^th-century scoundrel? Murder, love, and dangerous dinner parties. Time and Sorrows is a finished manuscript of 80,000 words, a YA timeslip romance.

Seventeen-year-old Kierra Holt is inYorkshire in 2008 when she sees the manor house of Sorrows Court for the first time. Or is it the first time?
Kierra has odd flashes of memory at Sorrows Court and is drawn to the story of former owner Colin Langlie. History records him as a spy, killer, and suicide, but evidence is tantalizingly hard to come by. When Kierra explores an ancient tunnel beneath the house on the night of the full moon, she gets more than deja vu and history books—she gets Colin Langlie himself.
1800 is not all empire dresses and candlelit balls. In France, Napoleon is rising and more than alcohol is being smuggled across the sea. Colin has an endless supply of both enemies and secrets, but Kierra holds the darkest secret of all—the date of Colin's death.
Can Kierra change the past? Should she? Caught between times, Kierra must decide which to believe: history or her heart.

Now that I've faithfully reported my progress, I have an announcement: Bluestocking Impressions is moving. Same blog, same title, different address. I explain all about it at my new home here. Check it out and don't forget to bookmark the new page, where I explain the move. See you there!

2009-07-24T22:10:00.002-07:00

TRUE CONFESSIONS

1. I have 57 books on my To-Be-Read shelves. Two of those I bought yesterday, even though I had absolutely, positively sworn I would not buy another book until I'd read at least 10 of the ones waiting for me. "Hello, my name is Laura, and I'm a bookaholic."

2. I loathe cooking. Especially in summer.

3. I have gained back five pounds of the 15 I lost last year.

4. I am days, if not weeks, behind in my email.

5. Since running the 5K in May, I haven't done a single run of more than a mile since.

6. I haven't done any writing in the month of July.

And the deepest, darkest confession of all . . .

7. I don't care.

Well, I care. I just don't care enough to fix it. Any of it. (Except the books--I do continue to read, as well as buy, books.)

But everything else takes energy--physical, mental, emotional--to get started. And it's the getting started that I've always had trouble with. Overcoming the inertia of an object at rest always seems more trouble than it's worth.

Except that I know it is worth it. And then I feel guilty. Which is an energy drain in and of itself.

Are you seeing the vicious circle?

So if I'm going to confess publicly, I might as well take shameless advantage of publicity and resolve to jump start the inertia now.

So . . .

By July 31st I will:

1. Do a 30-minute run.

2. Cook something more complex than scrambled eggs.

3. Write. Something. Anything.

See you in a week!

(The exclamation point is an attempt to care.)

2009-07-01T13:23:00.004-07:00

JUNE BOOKS

KINDNESS GOES UNPUNISHED & ANOTHER MAN'S MOCCASINS/Craig Johnson/A-
The 3rd and 4th books in the series following Wyoming sheriff Walt Longmire. KINDNESS takes place in Philadelphia where Walt has come to visit his daughter, Cady. But he arrives to find Cady in a coma after a beating and now Walt is after the men who did it. The western tone and atmosphere survives the East coast just fine and ends with a beautiful sequence in a city park. MOCCASINS is set back in Wyoming with large sections flashing back to Walt's first murder investigation 40 years before in Vietnam. When the body of a Vietnamese girl is found alongside a Wyoming highway, Walt has to dig into the past to find the killer of today. Johnson is a wonderful storyteller and if you ever have a chance to hear him speak in person--grab it. He's phenomenal.

THE BIRTHDAY PRESENT/Barbara Vine/B+
The pen name that Ruth Rendell uses for her stand-alone psychological suspense novels. Ivor Tesham becomes a Tory MP at 31 and seems destined for stardom. But his propensity for sexual games proves his downfall. When a birthday gift for his married mistress ends in her death, Ivor spends months trying to pretend it had nothing to do with him. But his mistress had a friend who knows too much, a twisted and difficult woman who may or may not want to blackmail Ivor. Not my favorite of Vine's novels, but she would be hard-pressed to write anything that didn't satsify as a story.

INK EXCHANGE/Melissa Marr/A-
Leslie was once Aislinn's best friend. But since Ash has started hanging out with Keenan (whom Leslie doesn't know is actually a fey and the Summer King), Leslie has kept her distance. She has secrets of her own, painful ones she'd do anything to hide. But Keenan's friend, Niall, is watching and Leslie begins to think he might be her answer. Everything changes when she gets her tattoo--a symbol that links her to Irial and his Dark Court in a terribly personal way. Leslie's choices have been taken away--can Niall help her find her way to independence? This is easily my favorite of Marr's books and I hope she plans to bring Leslie back in future stories.

THE CIRCULAR STAIRCASE/Mary Roberts Rinehart/B
Wealthy spinster Rachel Innes is persuaded to take a country house for the summer by her wards, Gertrude and Halsey. Set at the turn of the last century, this story has things that go bump in the night, a dead body, ill-fated love, a bank scandal, and a possible hidden room. What really works in this dated story is the voice--Rachel Innes is marvelously sarcastic and self-aware and refuses to take her own fears seriously. It was a fun read for the beach.

GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO/Stieg Larsson/C+
Gotten lots of word of mouth and big promotions, but just not to my taste. Liz is the girl with tattoos (the dragon being just one) who does freelance work investigating security risks. When she's asked to investigate a journalist who has just been convicted of libel, Liz can't get him off her mind. The main story is Mikael's (the journalist) who is asked by a wealthy recluse to help him discover who killed his great-niece 40 years ago and has been taunting him with it ever since. It's a classic closed-circle mystery (in this case, an island in Sweden) and Mikael's work soon stirs up threats against himself. The premise is solid, but the execution didn't work for me. It didn't help that I didn't really like any of the characters.

SONS OF THE PROFITS/William Speidel/B-
A history of the first 50 years of Seattle, starring the profit-minded men in all fields who helped Seattle evolve from a mud-swamped camp to the Northwest's biggest city. The voice is distinct and brash, but mostly worth it for the funny stories layered in. Like the men lynched by a mob--on their death certificates, the coroner listed as Cause of Death "Irate Citizens."

INTO THIN AIR/Jon Krakauer/A
In May 1996, journalist Krakauer reached the summit of Everest just hours before a storm blew in and killed 7 people, 5 of them from his team. This is an amazing adventure book and a meticulous account of a disaster that should never have happened but is in the nature of attempting the world's highest mountain. Krakauer brings to life not just the people, but the conflicts and the mountain itself. Highly recommended.

THE LACE READER/Brunonia Barry/A+
Ah, a book one will either love or hate. Towner Whitney tells the reader in the first paragraph that she lies, setting you up for a fabulous story about the past, memory, and identity. Towner left Salem, Massachusetts 15 years ago after the death of her twin sister, Lyndley and Towner's own stay in a mental hospital. Now, at 32, she comes back home when her aunt vanishes. Coming home means confronting her mother, who takes in abused women on her tiny island, a past lover, and a police chief who suspects a cult leader of more than brainwashing. The title refers to the practice of lace reading, wherein gifted women could look through lace and see a peron's future. Read it! And then let me know if you're in the love it or hate it camp :)

2009-06-29T11:29:00.002-07:00

RANDOM JUNE

Is it really almost July? I suppose I should just be thankful that the faster summer goes, the faster school comes.

Here's my month in random:

1. Fish Killer. Just carve it on my tombstone. My daughter caught me at a weak moment last month and begged for permission to bring home a bala shark from her class aquarium. So I bought a tank . . . and gravel . . . and plastic plants . . . and food . . . and water chemicals . . . about which time I wanted to scream, "This is why I don't want a pet!"

But I was trying to be A Good Mom. Poor fish, he didn't know what was coming.

We duly set up everything and got Chester home. He wasn't happy about it. He didn't eat. He darted around a lot--not happy, joyful darting, more like panicked, get-me-out-of here darting. By the second night, I had a dream that Chester finally ate and I was delighted. When I woke up I thought, "Dreaming about a fish? This is why I don't want a pet!"

My husband came home from a trip four days later and said, "I haven't seen the fish. Where is he?" We walked into my daughter's bedroom (she was gone with her grandparents) and I started scanning the tank for Chester. He wasn't darting. He was floating.

"That's a dead fish," my husband said.

And so it was.

When I told my sixteen-year-old, "I killed the fish" he said, "Accidentally?"

And that is why I Don't Want a Pet.

2. Three states and one trip to Mexico. By tomorrow night, I and my two youngest children will be returning from our second visit to Idaho in June. At least this trip doesn't require 12-hours in a car and a long drive through part of Montana. Though I have to admit that Coeur d'Alene was strikingly beautiful and we couldn't beat our lakeside condo. It was a fun week with the little ones, my parents, and my best friend and her two kids. But that 12-hour drive each way . . . there's a reason I like airplanes.

Especially when the airline bumps you to first class. On our flight home from Cabo San Lucas, our entire six-person family got moved into first class (due to my frequent-flying husband). I thought my second son would burst for joy--he's been deadly jealous that his older brother got bumped to first class on a flight last year. My daughter thought it was lovely. The seven-year-old, however, took it in stride. It's the baby you've got to watch for, I'm telling you. They fly first class, they stay in nice hotels . . . they have no memory of the early years of a family when you're just glad there aren't any visible blood stains on your motel carpet.

3. Books. I love summer. I love summer reading. And I love that my revised manuscript is finished, because now I can love my reading with a clear conscience.

4. 40 Days of 40. It's my husband's turn. He's not as excited as I was. He keeps moaning about refusing to turn 40 next month. I remind him that every insult he makes about 40-year-olds lowers the bar for anything he'll get from his already-40-year-old wife.

5. Portland. Next week I'm going to Portland for four days with two fabulous friends. We have our various reasons for going--getting away from the kids, sleeping without interruption, eating out and no dishes to do--but my primary reason is simple.

Powell's.

Simply put, the best bookstore in the world. Five floors of new, used, and rare books. I've been there multiple times during my trips to Portland over the years, but I've never been able to spend more than a couple hours. That is going to change. This trip, I plan to spend an entire day.

The only problem is we're flying, so I'm not sure how I'm going to get all the books home. Note to self: Find the nearest post office to Powell's and plan to ship a box. Or two.

2009-06-09T16:50:00.004-07:00

MAY BOOKS

HOW THE IRISH SAVED CIVILIZATION/Thomas Cahill/A+
A relatively short but utterly fascinating account of the coming of Christianity to Ireland and the subsequent spread across Europe of Irish and Irish-educated monks and nuns during the Middle Ages. The title refers to the fact that the fall of the Roman Empire wiped out many libraries and even literacy itself and that, without the Irish monastaries, even more would have been lost forever. I absolutely fell in love with this book and have been talking up the Irish ever since.

WHEN WILL THERE BE GOOD NEWS/Kate Atkinson/B
This third novel with P.I. Jackson Brodie hinges on a series of odd links. As a child thirty years ago Joanna Mason was the only survivor of a knife attack by Andrew Decker. Now he's been released from prison. Jackson, after boarding the wrong train, winds up in Scotland in a train crash that nearly kills him. He's saved by 16-year-old Regina Chase, who nannies for Joanna Mason's baby son. And in the hospital, Brodie discovers that he has the wallet of paroled killer Andrew Decker in his pocket. Now Joanna and her baby are missing, no one can find Decker, and Detective Louise Munroe is confronted with Brodie at a time when her new marriage is crumbling. I loved the multiple storylines and characters--except for Louise. I just couldn't stand her in this outing. I hope she gets over her fits of self-righteousness before the next book.

BLOODY SUNDAY/James Gleeson/B
There have been several "Bloody Sundays" in Irish history. This book recounts the one in 1920, when Michael Collins' agents simultaneously assassinated 19 British spies in Ireland and broke the back of England's intelligence service. Within a year, Collins had a treaty and the Republic of Ireland was born. This book was a little dry, but gives excellent background on the final push to Irish nationhood, including the Easter Rising of 1916.

SOVEREIGN/C.J. Sansom/A-
The third Matthew Shardlake mystery, set in the reign of Henry VIII. In this outing, Matthew is asked to travel to York where the king is set to visit just five years after a Northern rebellion. His job is to make sure a recently-arrested traitor makes it back to London for questioning. But then a glazier falls to his death and Matthew finds himself in the center of a mystery that stretches back to Richard III and may shake the throne of England. The great strength of this series is its ability to make me feel that I am there, in Tudor England, in all its grandeur and misery.

DUBLINERS/James Joyce/A-
I picked up, fittingly, in Dublin, this collection of short stories by one of Ireland's most famous writers. Joyce is an acquired taste and not entirely mine, but I found these stories compelling in spite of the overall sense of melancholy. Araby is in here, a story that many read in English classes.

THE YEAR OF WONDERS/Geraldine Brooks/B+
Pulitzer Prize winner Brooks (for MARCH) writes about a 17th-century English village and its infection by the plague. They have a choice: run and spread the plague with them, or stay and contain it? Due to the charismatic nature of the village pastor and his beloved wife, the village seals itself off for one years. As people die, brutally and often, relationships change. The story is told by Anna Frith, a young widow who works for the pastor and helps his wife tend to the sick and dying. Nothing is as it seems in this book, especially the people. I did not like the ending, but otherwise it was a remarkably fine story.

MISTRESS OF THE ART OF DEATH/Ariana Franklin/A
In the 12th-century England of Henry II, four Christian children have been mutilated and killed in Cambridge. The Jews of the town stand accused. Enter Adelia, a trained physician and coroner from Salerno who Henry wants to read the secrets of the dead children and clear the Jews of the charges. Adelia hates England--especially having to hide her training from people who would burn her as a witch--but the case takes a personal turn and when royalty is involved, personal choice rarely enters into it. A strong beginning to a new historical mystery series.

FRAGILE ETERNITY/Melissa Marr/B
Follow-up to her first novel, WICKED LOVELY, this urban fantasy returns to Aislinn who has now taken her place as Summer Queen. But she's finding it hard to balance her human boyfriend, Seth, with her duties to Keenan, her Summer King. And the pull isn't all professional--as summer warms, the temptation to be everything Keenan wants grows stronger. And as conflict threatens to become war, even Sorcha, Queen of the High Court, is taking an interest . . . in Seth. Quick read, the story worth overlooking the occasionally labored writing.

THE LANGUAGE OF BEES/Laurie R. King/A+
The return of Mary Russell and her husband, Sherlock Holmes. Sigh of pleasure. I liked this one better than the previous two, which took place outside England and with long sections from Holmes' point of view. This book sticks almost entirely to Mary and is set firmly in England (except for the end, which takes place on a Scottish island). Holmes is asked by a Bohemian artist to investigate the disappearance of his wife and 3-year-old child. It's a request Holmes, for personal reasons, cannot refuse. But those same reasons make it hard for him to be objective. So Mary has the uncomfortable task of sifting facts her husband won't. A wonderful mix of Bohemians and dangerous cults and early airplane pilots, with the voice that only Mary Russell has. I just hope the next book doesn't take too many years to be written.

2009-06-03T12:22:00.000-07:00

News at Jacob's Journey.

2009-05-21T15:06:00.003-07:00

DRUM ROLL

(And you know we have actual drums in our basement, so that's not an idle threat.)

What are you doing October 13?

I'll tell you what . . .

Picking up a copy of HUSH, HUSH by Becca Fitzpatrick. Because you know you want to be the first to join the frenzy.

And if you want to know how to identify the book by its cover, then click away. Be sure and click on the cover itself for a larger view.

Now tell me, isn't that the coolest cover for a YA book you've seen in ages?

(Although I have to say my favorite detail is that Becca's name is in red. How awesome is that?)

2009-05-18T14:23:00.002-07:00

A MOMENT OF PRIDE

Actually, 36 minutes and 31 seconds worth of pride.

Saturday, I ran my first ever 5K. It was my second son's idea, and who am I to argue with a 13-year-old who, one year ago, was undergoing chemotherapy?

My fear? That I would finish last. And be laughed at. Or possibly flogged.

My goal? To run the 3.2 miles in less than 40 minutes. I know that's not fast. But it isn't quite walking, either.

My finish? 36 minutes and 31 seconds. I didn't finish last--out of the approximately 1000 runners, I finished solidly in the middle, at 562.

But in my age and and gender group (yes, I had to join the 40-44 age group) I finished 26 out of 65.

I may not be a size 6 yet, but I never thought I'd do this. I'll take my satisfaction where I can find it.

2009-05-18T12:51:00.003-07:00

WHINING

I just finished my April Book post. And lost it.

I so don't want to re-do it.

I read good books in April. Is that enough?

Sigh. I suppose not. How about I just tell you my two favorites of the month?

THE HUNGER GAMES by Suzanne Collins (YA set in a future American continent where the wealthy Capitol every year chooses two teenagers from each of the twelve outlying districts to compete to the death in the Hunger Games--the winner to receive food and privileges for his or her district. Katniss takes her younger sister's place and has to figure out how to survive without becoming the killer the Capitol wants to see.)

DEVIL IN THE WHITE CITY by Erik Larson (history of the 1893 Chicago World's Fair, twined with the story of H.H. Holmes, America's first serial killer--the book is brilliant.)

I also read CONSOLATIONS OF PHILOSOPHY by Alain de Boton in an attempt to make myself as smart as my oldest son. It didn't work--when I was complaining about the fact that my weight is not changing and/or slightly increasing in spite of my trainer and running and a good diet, my son said, "Did you read that philosophy book?" (Alluding to the consolations that philosophy provides when we think we're not good enough.)

I, however, misheard him. I thought he said, "Did you eat that philosophy book?"

Clearly I have a long ways to go, both physically and mentally.

2009-05-12T15:14:00.006-07:00

TOP 10 IRELAND

10. Language: I simply loved seeing every sign in both Irish Gaelic and English. But not as much as I loved listening to the Irish talk. I'm a sucker for certain accents.

9. Gogarty's Pub: I swore I'd eat in a pub, and I did. An old pub, to boot. Temple Bar is a section of Dublin on the south bank of the Liffey river full of tiny cobbled streets, old buildings, lots of music and bookstores and more pubs than any one section of any city should rightfully have. It wasn't easy choosing where to eat, but we finally settled on Gogarty's, a four-story, brightly decorated corner building. The restaurant is on the top floor with low, beamed ceilings and wonderful views of Temple Bar below. And how can you beat a recipe that's more than 200 years old? That's the claim of the Sackville Street Chicken casserole, and my tastebuds agreed with every year of its worth.

8. St. Stephen's Green: Our hotel was kitty-corner from this park in central Dublin and I went through it half a dozen times a day. It's beautifully green (naturally) and spring flowers and fountains and swans on the water added to its charm. And I fulfilled my other promise--I went running in the Green one afternoon while listening to U2. As my husband had said from an earlier experience doing the same: "Listening to U2 in Dublin is practically a religious experience."

7. National Museum: Relatively small, but stuffed with wonderful treasures. I'm not much of a gold person, but that went right out the window when I walked in the ground floor and hit the Bronze Age gold room. Everywhere I looked were wonderful gold pieces from hundreds to thousands of years old. Bracelets and torcs and dress fasteners and cloak fasteners . . . I'm surprised I ever made it out of that exhibit. But I did, onto textiles and religious artifacts and medieval treasures such as reliquaries and altar crosses. They even have one room of Egyptian artifacts (although, for anyone who's read Elizabeth Peters' Peabody/Emerson novels, you can imagine I walk through Egyptian treasures hearing Emerson's voice in my head criticizing the dating and provenance and general fitness of every Egyptologist but him . . . but that just adds to the fun.)

6. Cathedrals: Dublin has two--Christ Church, the oldest cathedral in Ireland, and St. Patrick's. The first building on the Christ Church site was built in the 11th century by the Viking Sitric Silkenbeard. St. Patrick's is next to the well where Patrick himself is said to have baptized the first Christians in Ireland (the cathedral houses an ancient carved stone that is believed to have covered that well). I love old churches and these two had plenty to love: monuments (from 17th-century gaudy to 14th-century simplicity to 20th-century war memorials), medieval side chapels with original tile floors, stained glass, organ lofts with amazing acoustics, and the perfect, soaring grace of Norman architecture. One of my favorites experiences was attending choral evensong at St. Patrick's, sung by members of the choir school.

5. Kilkenny: one of the best-preserved Georgian towns in Ireland. An hour and a half south of Dublin by train, we spent the weekend walking the marvelous streets lined with buildings going back to the Tudors and with portions of the city wall even older. There's a medieval cathedral here, St. Canice's, with a round tower built in the 9th century as a protection against the Viking raiders (we actually climbed that--me in a long skirt--quite an adventure for someone who's afraid of heights) and a genuine medieval castle. Kilkenny Castle was built by the Normans in the 12th century and for 600 years was the home of the Butler family--Earls, Marquesses, and occasional Dukes of Ormonde--until it was sold to the nation in the 1930s. (Trivia: Anne Boleyn's mother was the daughter of an Earl of Ormonde.) 12th-century round tower, 18th-century drawing room, 19th-century long gallery and kitchen . . . it was all food to my historical soul.

4. Butler House: was once the Dower House to Kilkenny Castle (where the mother would move once her husband died and her son gained the title). Just across the road from the castle, it's now a hotel. Our hotel, in fact. In this restored Georgian townhouse, we ended up with the best room(s) in the house--a two-room suite, both bedroom and sitting room being equally large with high ceilings, original fireplaces, elaborate stucco work, and half-circle bay windows with enormous shutters that closed up into the sides of the windows. I loved everything about it--although I was glad to be there in May and not, say, December. People must have spent most of their lives frozen before central heating.

3. Scones: Someone told me they'd heard the food in Ireland was awful. Not so. At least not the food I ate. Lots of fresh fish, bacon with hardly any fat, wonderful yogurt, and breads to die for. Wonderful desserts--I had creme brulee at least three times. Dozens of little cafes with homemade soups and tarts and thick sandwiches. And, of course, scones. Scones for breakfast, scones for tea, scones anytime I felt like popping off the street and buying one . . . I miss scones.

2. Newgrange: or in Irish, Bru na Boinne. Whatever you call it, Newgrange is absolutely remarkable--one of the best examples of a Neolithic passage grave in Western Europle. It's more than 5000 years old, estimated to have been built around 3200 B.C. (that's a thousand years before the Egyptian pyramids). The outside is large hilltop cairn, a grass-covered mound surround by a drystone wall with some slabs still bearing their original decorations. It does have an astronomical significance--on the day of the winter solstice, the sun rises across the Boyne valley and for approximately 15 minutes lights the interior of the tomb. As someone who's much more moved by recent history (meaning within the last 1000 years), I was astonished by how much Newgrange moved me.

1. Inspiration: Pubs, castles, cathedrals, and passage tombs--one trip to Ireland. Literary inspiration--priceless. I'm almost two-thirds of the way through my second draft of my time-travel romance set in 1800. It doesn't take place in Ireland. But for a novel set in northern England, I was struck my moment after moment of dazzling inspiration. I haven't had that experience since I went to London for the second time and had the story for The Boleyn King practically fall into my lap. Some of it was detail--like Newgrange and Butler House. But some of it was sheer, startling, force of lightning that gave me, not only the plot for the next book in this hopeful series, but the motivation for a major character in this book. Who knew? I'm just glad I was there to take advantage.

Thank you, Ireland.

And thank you, Chris. It's totally worth turning 40 for this gift.

Snapfish Slideshow

2009-04-27T16:03:00.002-07:00

WEEP FOR ME

. . . for I am off to Ireland tomorrow. No, the kids aren't coming. Yes, it's just me and Chris. (Technically, for most of the time it will just be me, since Chris is going to Dublin to actually work. Not me--I'm on the Strictly Fun Tour.)

Everyone who reads my blog knows I love to travel, especially overseas. In honor of getting to visit a new country tomorrow, I thought I'd post some of my memorable moments from other overseas adventures.

1. Haiti: Gunshots in the alley behind our house. Lots of them. In the middle of the night. We always slept with our windows open, as well as the door to the balcony. All I could think of was how those bullets would ricochet around our cement-walled room if whoever was shooting aimed at our windows. Stayed awake for two hours. My missionary companion, on the other hand, sat up, looked out the window over her bed, and went back to sleep. (She'd been in the country a lot longer than I had--another couple months and I'd have just rolled over, too.)

2. Aruba: Topless beach. Our resort owned a private island that you got to by boat. Once there you could turn left, to the family beach, or right, to the topless beach. My husband wandered over there one day. Decided that most people who were topless on this beach should not have been.

3. Hong Kong: Having my mother detained at the Chinese border for an hour. My parents had come to visit, we took a day trip into China (since I am old, and this was before Hong Kong was returned to China, hence the border crossing) and apparently they didn't like the looks of my mother. We began to fear we'd spend our entire time in a border station, but eventually she was released into our care and we did get to see a little bit of China. Including pandas--that was cool.

4. South Africa: Sleeping on the floor of our hotel room because there weren't enough beds for the four of us.

5. England: Eating lunch in a crypt. St. Martin's-in-the-Fields' Church on Trafalgar Square has an aptly-named Crypt Cafe. You go down a level, pick up your food, and sit with gravestones beneath your feet.

6. Kenya: So many experiences, so little time :) But I've been dying to share this one. At the Nairobi airport the day my daughter and I flew home, we sat in the departure lounge for our British Air flight to London and watched the plane being prepped. It was the middle of the night and part of the prep apparently included a guy walking around the outside of the plane with a flashlight. What was he looking for--gashes in the side, fuel pouring out? And then he put the flashlight down and did a few pull-ups on one of the wheel struts. I'm telling you, that does not inspire great confidence when you're about to get on this plane for eight and a half hours.

7. Dubai: One more plane story. When my friend and I boarded the Emirates Air flight, we saw a very interesting notice written in big red letters to the side of the entry door. "IN EMERGENCY, CUT HERE". Imagine the emergencies that would require them to cut into an airplane. And then imagine that the rescuers need to be told where to cut.

It reminded me of a Friends episode, when Joey is building an entertainment center and his drill goes through the wall next to Chandler's head.

Joey: "Oh, sorry, did I get you?"

Chandler: "No, you didn't get me. It's an electric drill--you get me, you kill me!"

2009-04-23T16:08:00.002-07:00

(DE) CONSTRUCTION

Anyone besides me stuck in the midst of road construction this spring?

It's one of the drawbacks to having moved to what was, 11 years ago, little more than a few dozen houses next to the lake and is now a thriving near-city. Businesses, schools and roads have all had to play catch-up.

Which is fine. I'm not whining. (I may be whinging a bit, but that's completely different. For one thing, whinging is done in a British accent, which makes everything sound better.)

But I've noticed something unsettling as I've crawled along the road these last few weeks--all of this construction bears a disconcerting resemblance to the way I write.

In other words--it's a mess.

I would never have guessed I'd be a messy writer. After all, I'm quite neat with my belongings. My home is orderly. My calendar is up-to-date. I can find anything I need to on my bookshelves or in my closet. I almost always do the dishes before bed so the kitchen is clean when I get up. I hate piles of things and am very good at throwing out stuff.

Logically, one would expect that such behavior would carry over into my writing. One would expect that I have nice, neat outlines before I begin the first draft (or at least the second). One would expect that I would plan before starting. One would expect, at a minimum, that I would know, not only the beginning and the end, but anywhere from 2 to 8 plot points in between. One would expect I would do all my research in advance and keep it nicely filed to call upon as needed. One would expect that revisions for me would be a matter of cleaning and tidying.

One would be wrong.

I'm more like road construction--dirty, annoying, and with no pattern at all discernible to the naked eye.

Take my current WIP. You know I finished the first draft in November. You know I started the second draft in January. You would think (heck, even I would think) that after living with this story since last August and completing one and one-half drafts, that I would know precisely who does what and why.

Ha!

At this point, the only thing I can say with complete confidence is that it's a timeslip romance. (Timeslip being a slightly more melodic word for time travel.) There's a girl, there's a guy, there's death and history and a first kiss. All the rest is still up for grabs.

Except the ending. I do always know my endings. To carry on my analogy, I know where my road is going, I just don't know exactly how it's going to get there.

But I've decided I wouldn't have it any other way. (Which may just be a case of making a virtue of necessity, but better that than fretting about it.) Because in the mess, my imagination is unleashed. I don't know why that is. I don't know why my mind won't wander at will before I've gone to the trouble of writing 70,000+ words. All I know is that the actual writing--not outline writing, not synopsis writing, not idea brainstorming--the actual writing of the story starting at the beginning and going on to the end is the only way I've found to discover what's going to happen.

This time (in the second draft, mind you) I'm discovering that I have some great secondary characters that are bursting to have as much fun as my heroine and hero. Which is fabulous--until I realize I need to go back 1 or 2 or 6 chapters and fix a detail or dialogue that no longer matches. Like I said, it's the drawback. The price I pay for being messy. But in the midst of the mess, I can see the straight, shining ribbon of black that is my story and it's worth all the backhoes and dump trucks and traffic jams to make it real.

Back to the mess.

2009-04-03T14:38:00.003-07:00

MARCH BOOKS

A RULE AGAINST MURDER/Louise Penny/A
What's not to love in a new Armand Gamache novel? This time, Inspector Gamache of the Quebec Surete and his wife are celebrating their anniversary at a remote lakeside inn. The only other guests are a family in the midst of a rather tense reunion. The town of Three Pines, where the first three Gamache novels were set, gets a cameo appearance, as two of the town's inhabitants are at the family reunion. Which leads to awkwardness for Gamache when he has to suspect his friends of committing murder. An ingenious method (a statue walking off its plinth) and a surfeit of bad feelings is a good backdrop for Gamache's kind of investigating. A moving sub-plot about Gamache's personal history adds depth to the entire story. What are you waiting for? Go get STILL LIFE and meet a wonderful detective and storyteller.

THE LIFE AND TIMES OF THE THUNDERBOLT KID/Bill Bryson/A-
It goes without saying (but I'll say it anyway) that I adore everything written by Bill Bryson. The minus in this grade comes solely because it's not a travel book, which are my favorites. This is a memoir of growing up in the 50s in Iowa and had me, naturally, laughing out loud. From Bryson's mother, who wrote a newspaper column and didn't know her son skipped most of elementary school, to the advent of color TV, to the innocence of a time when a woman could slip away from a White House tour and not be found for four hours (while setting more than a dozen small fires), Bryson delivers yet another wonderful book.

FLOWERS FROM THE STORM/Laura Kinsale/A-
A classic historical romance, about a mathematical Duke and the Quaker girl who saves his life. When the Duke of Jervaulx has a stroke (although, of course, no one in the book knows what it is), he winds up in an insane asylum where Maddy Timms becomes convinced that, although he may have lost his speech, he hasn't lost his wits. She becomes his advocate and, eventually, his wife, all in an attempt to protect him from his avarious family who want him stripped of his title and property and locked away for life. Jervaulx is impatient, unkind, and sometimes cruel--Maddy is self-righteous and scared of what she feels for her unexpected husband. The story took me on a lot of twists and turns before delivering a most satisfying conclusion.

THE LIKENESS/Tana French/A++
This is going on my list of favorite books ever. The follow-up to INTO THE WOODS, this novel is centered on Cassie Maddox. In the fall-out from the previous book's end, Cassie has moved from Murder to Domestic Violence. But then a woman is found dead--a woman who looks uncannily like Cassie. Even odder--she's using a name and a persona that Cassie created years ago as an Undercover officer. So Cassie once more takes up the skin of someone else's life, this time to try and find a murderer from the inside. Besides being a wonderful story, this book is bursting with questions of identity and friendship and ethics. I simply loved it. And a more satisfying end than INTO THE WOODS. I can't wait to see what French does next.

CORALINE/Neil Gaiman/A-
Totally and completely freaked me out. A kid's book, no less. One I gave my daughter to read. Coraline is a girl longing for adventure with parents who are busy being, well, adults. And then she discovers a doorway in her house that leads to a parallel world, with parallel parents who have button eyes and want Coraline to stay with them forever. Coraline prudently leaves--but then discovers that her own parents have vanished. To save them, she has to return to the parallel world, with only a talking cat and her own courage for guidance. She is a resourceful and wonderful child--but man, I had nightmares after. My daughter didn't--I'm not sure what that says about the two of us.

BAD FAITH/Carmen Callil/B+
A history of a truly nasty person in a truly nasty time--Louis Darquier who served as the Commisar of Jewish Affairs in France's Vichy government. The author had a personal connection to this history--Darquier's daughter, Anne (whom he and his wife left in England with a nanny as a baby and never saw again) was the author's psychiatrist for years before, at the age of 40, committing suicide. That led Carmen Callil to investigate Anne's background, leading her to a virulently anti-Semitic man who'd do anything for money and an Australian mother who was too drunk and drugged to protest even if she'd wanted to. It was an unflattering portrait of Vichy (the French government that ruled by Nazi permission during their Occupation of France) and a horrifying look at the sentiments that allowed tens of thousands of French Jews to be deported to death camps in the east.

ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE NORTH/Phillip Pullman/A
A small story for fans of THE GOLDEN COMPASS trilogy, recounting the first meeting of the Texan balloonist Lee and the warrior bear Iorek who both feature heavily in the other books. Definitely recommended if you're a Pullman fan.

THE QUOTABLE SLAYER/Joss Whedon/A
Joss Whedon. Quotes from 7 seasons of Buffy. What more can I say? Except, perhaps, "I laugh in the face of danger. And then I run away." Or maybe, "This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed." Or even, "If you get killed, I'm telling."

IN THE HEART OF THE SEA/Nathaniel Philbrick/A
A fabulous true survival story, about the wreck of the whaleship Essex in 1820, an event that inspired Melville's novel MOBY DICK. With a good grounding in Nantucket and the history and culture of whaling life, the story picks up in the far reaches of the Pacific where, for the first time in recorded history, a whale attacked a whaling ship. Not just attacked--sunk. The 19 men aboard made it into 3 smaller boats used to hunt the whales and had to navigate 3000 miles to the west coast of South America. Only four survived. This is not a story for the faint of heart--there is stupidity and ignorance and cannibalism. But talk about transporting the reader to another time and place. Suffice it to say I don't feel the need to ever go whaling--I'll just pick up this book if the impulse strikes.

FREEDOM/Malika Oufkir/D
Sadly, after a month of one great book after another, I ended with this one. I enjoyed Oufkir's previous memoir, about 20 years spent as a political prisoner in Morocco, but this follow-up left me cold. It read more like her diary, a disjointed, disconnected series of impressions about adjusting to her new life in France. I'd skip this one and stick with the first, STOLEN LIVES.

2009-03-27T08:17:00.002-07:00

FYI

Last night my 12-year-old son went to a school play with some neighbors. He came home and faithfully reported the following conversation to me. (Backstory: Teen was arguing with his mom on the drive home.)

Son: Why do you argue with your mom? I never argue. When my mom snaps 'No', we listen.

Teen: That's because your mom is scary.

There you go. Listen and remember.

2009-03-19T07:33:00.004-07:00

REVISIONS OF BODY AND MIND

January started with two major revisions in my life: 1) the personal trainer and 2) the second draft of my new novel.

I've realized over the last couple weeks that the process is remarkably similar for both. Pain, inertia, pain, stubbornness, pain, mental blocks, pain, endurance.

And pain.

Revising a manuscript has given me insight into revising my body, and vice versa. Here's what I've learned.

1. Take the Long View
I'm a Biggest Loser fan. Wonderful show. But it is frustrating to watch them drop anywhere from 5-15 pounds a week while my scale stays stubbornly on the same number. Maybe if I was only checking in on my body once a week, I'd see the changes, but since I live in my body, I have to remind myself daily changes are subtle. Too subtle to see most of the time. Just like a page of revisions or rewriting at a time seems miniscule when compared to the 200+ pages still to go, but each page adds up. So does each squat or push-up or bicep curl.

2. Take Your Rewards Where You Can Find Them
Write a particularly good bit of dialogue? Discover a hidden motivation in a character? Solve a particularly thorny plot issue? Giggle and do the Snoopy dance to celebrate. Last 15 seconds longer on a side plank hold? Do 5 sets of tricep dips without crying? Run a complete mile without pause? Same thing. (Well, maybe not the Snoopy dance--unless you want your muscles to give way.)

3. Use Frustration as Fuel
When jealousy, despair, cravings, and/or sheer I'm-so-tired-of-doing-this set in, channel it. Don't let it derail the process. Dougnuts will not--repeat, WILL NOT--make you feel better. Neither will playing solitaire or reading email for three hours while you avoid opening your novel file. Of course you don't want to start exercising/writing. Who does? But I promise, from personal experience, once you've done it, you'll feel so much better.

4. The Only Failure is to Quit
Will I ever get below 30% body fat or lose these even-more-stubborn-than-me 15 pounds? Not if I quit now. Will I ever sign with an agent/sell my novel to the highest bidder/become even more famous than Stephenie Meyer? Not if I quit now. I control what I can--the exercising, eating right, writing, and submitting said writing. Will it pay off? I don't know. But I do know that if I quit, then it's over.

5. Love Revising for its Own Sake
Body or soul, mind or manuscript, you have to love the process. That doesn't mean you enjoy every single weight lifted or mile run or chapters scratched and started from nothing . . . but it does mean you have to enjoy the process as a whole. I exercise now because it makes me feel good--stronger, healthier, happier. Do I want to get skinnier? Yes. Will I keep exercising when/if I reach my weight goal? Yes. And writing--well, whole books are written about writers and their devotion to an exceedingly difficult and irritating art form. Do I want to be published? Yes. Would I quit writing if I get published? Absolutely not. So why would I quit before?

Onward and upward--I have twenty more minutes of cardio to do and Chapter 13 to revise.

Wish me well :)

2009-03-08T18:24:00.003-07:00

BOOK GEEK

Anyone surprised?

On Facebook, some of my friends have taken this challenge: Out of the BBC Booklist's Top 100 Novels, how many of you read?

(Note on the list--I've seen several different lists. I actually marked two--the one from Facebook and the official BBC Big Read List from 2003. I decided to post the Facebook list since I'd read more of them--probably because the Facebook list seems to have more novels that an American audience would recognize.)

The estimate is that any given average person (is there such a thing) will have read 6 out these 100 novels. Are you as geeky as me? Check it out.

The ones I've read are bolded.

And if you're interested only in the bottom line, I've read 68 out of 100.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

28 A Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchel
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

2009-03-02T17:03:00.002-07:00

FEBRUARY BOOKS

DEATH WITHOUT COMPANY/Craig Johnson/A
Wyoming sheriff Walt Longmire has had some bad weeks recently. He's still recovering from the tragic end of his last case. And he needs a new deputy. And winter is coming. So he's annoyed when a former sheriff claims that a death in a nursing home is murder. Turns out the former sheriff was once married to the woman in question, a member of the Basque community, and said woman has quite a large estate to leave. Did someone kill her for her money? Or do the roots of this crime go further back? I adore Walt Longmire and this was a wonderful story. Now on to the third book in the series.

NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH/Avi/A
A little book, written for teens, about a 9th-grader who causes a national incident when he's punished for singing the national anthem in homeroom. The novel is told entirely through diary entries, letters, phone calls, and interviews of the various participants, giving the reader the chance to see the incident through multiple eyes. As the mother of two teenage boys, it was a great reminder that most of what's going on in a teenager's head is kept hidden and I shouldn't jump to conclusions quite so fast.

THE PRIVATE PATIENT/P.D. James/A
Sigh--I love Adam Dalgliesh. This novel had everything I love about James--the trademark opening section which introduces us to various intriguing characters and the tensions that will bring about murder in a private plastic surgery clinic; Dalgliesh and his team moving methodically and empathetically among the witnesses and suspects; twisty plot points and most of all, humanity. There's a small but emotionally important sub-plot about Adam's fiancee, Emma, and an attack on one of her friends and the novel ends with an event I've been waiting for none too patiently--the wedding of Adam and Emma. I hope the 89-year-old Baroness James lives a long time so we can have more Dalgliesh stories.

ENDER IN EXILE/Orson Scott Card/B
A direct sequel to ENDER'S GAME, which means it fills in some of the time gap between that book and SPEAKER FOR THE DEAD. Ender may have won the war, but that doesn't mean he can go home. Instead, the 14-year-old is appointed governor of the first human colony in space. He elects to stay awake during the voyage (2 years in relative time, more than 40 years in earth time) and much of the action takes place on the colony ship. I wanted to like this more than I did--Ender actually began to bug me a little bit in his perfection and I thought Card shortchanged the ending of a critical POV character (a teenage girl whose mother wants her to marry Ender). But it was still an Ender story, which means I was happy to read it.

TUTANKHAMEN/Christine El Mahdy/B-
The story of Egypt's most famous king, placing him in the historical context of his lifetime. El Mahdy spend the first two-thirds of the book recounting the discovery of his tomb and then giving us the accepted version of Tutankhamen and the pharaoh who preceded him, the controversial Akhenaten. The last third gives her account of Akhenaten, the mysterious Smenkhare who ruled briefly after him, and the teenage Tutankhamen who died too young and might never have been known if not for the magic of his treasure-filled tomb. It was a little confusing to follow in style, but it did have some interesting points and I especially loved the pictures of some of the pharaoh's artifacts.

THE PRICE OF BUTCHER'S MEAT/Reginald Hill/A
It was a good month for series I love. In this Dalziel/Pascoe novel, Dalziel is sent to an expensive convalescent home on the Yorkshire coast to recover from his injuries and coma suffered in the last book. But of course it won't be restful--the local lady of the manor is found dead at her own hog roast. Rich, rude, and several-times married, Daphne Brereton had enemies to spare. Dalziel tries to keep out of Pascoe's way when he comes to investigate, but you can't keep a good copper down and it's Dalziel who possesses some criticial information. Filled with Hill's witty writing and unforgettable characters--I'm smiling just remembering the book.

THE FAITH CLUB/Idilby, Oliver, & Warner/B+
A book club read. After the 9/11 attacks, New York Muslim Ranya Idilby wonders what she can teach her children about being Muslim in America. She decides to write a children's book with two other mothers--one Christian, one Jewish. I don't know if the children's book was ever written--but THE FAITH CLUB has been very succesful. The three women talk honestly about their fears, their personal faith, and their preconceptions of the others' religions. It wasn't a perfect book, but it was intriguing and the friendship the three women develop is beautiful.

MYSTIC RIVER/Dennis Lehane/C
Beautifully written, impeccably rendered characters, a plot that falls into place just when it should . . . so why isn't it an A book? This is one of those times where I have to fall back on "I am not the audience for this book." The story opens with three young boys playing in the street. One of them gets in a car and vanishes for four days. Twenty-five years later, the boys are brought back together when the daughter of one is murdered. This story was bleak and there weren't enough sympathetic characters to ease the bleakness. Still, I can see why Lehane has a wide audience; he's a wonderful writer.

2009-02-26T19:24:00.004-07:00

My 40 days have come and gone . . . and I still haven't written about the fabulous surprise my husband came up with.

My life feels like one long list of things I haven't yet done. Which, I suppose, is kind of the point of living. If I ever reach the end of the list, what will I do next?

I have a wonderful post about branding floating around my head, but it will have to float for at least another day. I find it difficult to concentrate on being intelligent and witty while teaching my high school sophomore the basics of driving around an empty parking lot and attending junior high parent teacher conferences and helping my 4th-grader put handcuffs on her biography/puppet of Harry Houdini and reassuring a crying 2nd-grader that, no, his watch is not two minutes fast as a neighborhood child teased.

I love my life. But it does make intelligent and witty a state devoutly to be desired rather than my natural state of being.

But I do have one piece of advice before I dive back into my natural state of being. And the advice is for me.

"Laura--do not, under any circumstances, tell your trainer that your goal is to run in St. Stephen's Green in Dublin in May. And do not ever, no matter how happy you are, proclaim that a given weight is 'hard, but not hard enough'. If you do these things, you deserve every ounce of sweat and every quivering muscle that ensues."

I'm just saying.

2009-02-22T20:42:00.003-07:00

This was going to be a post about my wonderful, darling, devious husband and the surprise he pulled off for the end of my 40 Days of 40.

It's still coming.

But tonight, I have to do a little complaining about a night on which my feminist sensibilities went right out the window. Or in this case, down the drain.

I've spent the last two hours covered in filthy pipe water, courtesy of my backed-up kitchen sink. I've changed two sets of clothing, disconnected and reconnected a bunch of pipes, scrapped gunk out with a knife, and made multiple trips to the bathroom to dump the bowl that will never again be used for any type of food product in my house.

Two hours, one set of dedicated friends, a wire hanger, two loads of laundry, a mix of vinegar and baking soda, and a plunger later . . . the sink is working.

And I may never eat again. So really, it's a win all the way around.

Especially for my husband, who missed all the fun by being somewhere else tonight.

Feminist or not, I agree with Buffy: "I was raised to believe that the men dig up the corpses and the women have the babies."

2009-02-13T18:23:00.003-07:00

My friend, Patty (see her blog at Pat Esden in my sidebar) assigned this meme to one of her characters. As someone who knows a good idea when I see it, I shamelessly stole--er, make that borrowed--the concept.

Meet Kieran Holt--17-year-old Londoner who has come to Whitby, Yorkshire after the death of her sister and gets more than she bargained for when she comes across an old house that she may or may not remember.

1. What are your nicknames? My mother, Vivian, calls me Kiki. I hate Kiki.

2. What do you do before bedtime? Study. It’s soothing.

3. What one place have you visited that you can't forget and want to go back to? Apparently Sorrows Court—though I’ve never been to the Yorkshire coast before. Explain, then, how I remember this house. And its long-dead owners.

4. What are some of your favorite scents? Books. New books, old books, libraries, bookstores. Oh--and fresh shortbread.

5. If you had a million dollars that you could only spend on yourself, what would you do with it? Buy a bookstore, hire someone to run it, and spend my days alone in a private library upstairs. Or possibly move to Africa and work in a public-health clinic. I’m 17—I don’t quite know yet.

6. What is your theme song? "The Wanderer" by Odd Project.

7. Do you trust easily? No.

8. Do you generally think before you act, or act before you think? According to my sister, I think and think and never act.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days? Besides my sister being dead?

10. Do you have a good body-image? I have a body. It works. For now.

11. What have you been seriously addicted to lately? Avoiding everything that might bring up painful memories of Alix.

12. How many colors are you wearing now? Olive green cargo pants, white t-shirt, pink hoodie.

13. What’s the last song that got stuck in your head? “Everything’s Magic” by Angels and Airwaves. I could swear my iPod knew what I was feeling the first time I looked at Sorrows Court--it sure picked an appropriate song.

14. What’s your favorite item of clothing? Alix’s flannel shirt that she always wore around the flat to keep warm.

15. What was the last book you read? Non-fiction? Just finished A-levels, so too many to list. Fiction? I’m a closet fantasy fan—Twilight by Stephenie Meyer.

16. What would you do with an extra five hundred dollars right now ... the only catch being that you have to spend it within a week? I have a trust fund and a generous trustee—an extra five hundred dollars would go into the fund and gather interest like the rest.

17. What items could you not go without during the day? iPod. Music is my most reliable distraction at the moment.

18. What should you be doing right now? Going to sleep. But I think I’ll go explore the Great Hall of Sorrows Court by night. There is definitely something odd in this house. It might just be me—or it might not.

2009-02-11T16:13:00.003-07:00

YEAR 10

Who would have guessed that 70's hair could be so much better than 80's hair?

I'm not sure I can remember thirty years ago. Once I start thinking about being 10, I inevitably think about my one and only daughter who turned 10 a few months ago. (Of course, her birthday party is next week--it's just been that kind of year.)

So I thought . . . what are the differences between me at 10 and my daughter at 10?

1. I had a cat. My daughter does not. I do not wish to discuss the subject further. (Except to say: "Mom, now I totally get why you didn't want the cat. And apparently I'm meaner than you are.")

2. I have one brother. She has three.

3. I was a quiet, shy child. My daughter keeps getting moved at school and church for chattiness.

4. I had a radio. All feel free to laugh together, especially my daughter with her purple iPod shuffle.

5. I had a banana-seat bike. It's nice those seem to have the gone the way of dinosaurs.

6. I had color TV. With four channels. And if I was really bad, I had to watch the black-and-white set in my parents' room.

7. My big summer vacation was driving to Mexico in a motorhome with my cousins. My daughter is flying to Mexico for the second time this summer for a beach vacation.

Still, it's not all differences. We do share some things in common, besides our eye color. The biggest of these is reading. Nothing makes me happier (even while I'm telling her sternly to go to bed) than to find her reading in bed after 10:00 at night. Or shutting herself in her room when she "just has to finish this book now!" Or buying her books for Christmas and hearing a genuine squeal of delight.

Some pleasures remain the same.

2009-02-05T16:41:00.004-07:00

MOTIVATION

I've now done three workouts with my personal trainer.

Three workouts in which she nearly made me cry (once with the body fat calipers, twice from reaching the physical edge.)

I'm proud to say I have learned something important from The Biggest Loser--Don't Ever Say I Can't. (Not out loud, at least--screaming it at the top of my inner lungs is another matter.)

What keeps me going the last five reps of a weight that's making my whole body tremble? Force of will? Stubbornness? Dreams of size-6 jeans? My jiggly stomach?

Alas, no. My motivation is much simpler.

Also fictional.

Captain Malcolm Reynolds.

I've got my Firefly DVD set sitting out on the trunk in my workout space. And when the screaming inside threatens to erupt out of my mouth, I just focus on Mal. And I hear what he said to Simon once: "You ain't weak. Don't know how smart you are . . . but you ain't weak and that's not nothing."

That's not nothing. Words to motivate--for me, at least.

2009-02-03T13:51:00.004-07:00

JANUARY BOOKS

ARTHUR AND GEORGE/Julian Barnes/C
Arthur Conan Doyle and George Edalji. Non-fiction, I guess. Mystery about nasty letter-writing and vandalism that eventually lands Edalji in prison. Conan Doyle took up his case after his release from prison and helped clear him. Sort of. Honestly, that's all I remember. That's not a good sign.

A HISTORY OF THE KINGS OF BRITAIN/Geoffrey of Monmouth/A
Written by a Welshman in the 12th century, this history isn't so much fact as storytelling. But what wonderful storytelling! It purports to tell the history of the ancient Britons who were ruled over by the Romans, invaded by the Saxons and Angles, and finally driven to Wales and Cornwall. Geoffrey of Monmouth was the first major writer to give King Arthur a written form and many of the romances that picked up his story got it from Geoffrey's history. In many ways more informative about Geoffrey's time than those of the kings he's writing about.

CALLING MR. LONELY HEARTS/Laura Benedict/A-
Benedict's second novel (after the haunting ISABELLA MOON), it defies easy labels. Mystery? Suspense? Horror? Paranormal? It's got bits of all of them, woven into a story about three teenage girls who drive a young priest out of their school and, years later, have to deal with the consequences. When Varick comes to town, disaster follows for all three women: Del, struggling to fit into her perfect life; Alice, whose marriage is coming apart at the seams; and Roxanne, the artist who started it all. And when deals are made with the devil, not even the innocent are safe. Not an easy read, but beautifully written and haunting in its own right.

WICKED LOVELY/Melissa Marr/A-
Aislinn is a high schooler who has always followed her grandmother's cardinal rule: Never Let the Fairies Know You Can See Them. But when a particular fairy goes out of his way to be noticed, Aislinn finds herself caught in a power struggle that's spilling out of the fairy world into hers. The Summer King needs a Queen in order to defeat his Winter Queen mother's reign, and he thinks Aislinn is the one. An urban fairy tale for today's teens, with a pace that never lets up and a plot that has some interesting twists. I'll definitely read the next one.

HEIR TO SEVENWATERS/Juliet Marillier/A+
Ahhhhhh . . . this is how historical fantasy should be done. And where better to go than back to Sevenwaters, where Marillier's fame began. Clodagh is the sensible 3rd sister of 6 who keeps the household running while her mother is perilously pregnant. When baby Finbar is born, the long-awaited son and heir, rejoicing quickly turns to tragedy. Finbar is snatched from his cradle, replaced by a changeling child. But only Clodagh can see the changeling for what it is. Distrusted and frightened, Clodagh sets out on a quest to the Otherworld to find her brother. She's aided (naturally) by Cathal, who has his own secrets and a disturbing knowledge about the Fair Folk. Marillier is a master who doesn't disappoint--and she throws out enough hints to give me hope of more Sevenwaters books to come.

DRAGONFLY IN AMBER/Diana Gabaldon/A-
The sequel to OUTLANDER, equally lush and romantic. The bulk of the story takes place in France and Scotland in 1743-44, with Claire and Jamie trying to stop Bonnie Prince Charlie's invasion to restore his father's throne. With Claire's knowledge of the disaster awaiting the Highlanders at Culloden, they work behind the scenes to undermine the prince's fundraising while trying to avoid being labeled traitors. But history, it seems, cannot be outwitted--on the eve of the fateful battle, Jamie sends pregnant Claire back through the standing stones to her first husband, Frank. The book is framed with Claire, twenty years after her return, bringing her daughter back to Scotland to tell her about her birth father, who died at the Battle of Culloden in 1744. Or did he? I thought this one was a little overwritten and could have used some serious editing, but overall I enjoyed the romance and adventure and I have the third book waiting.

AFTERMATH & FRIEND OF THE DEVIL/Peter Robinson/B
Detective Chief Inspector Alan Banks is called in when a domestic violence call leads to the discovery of a vicious serial killer. The fittingly-titled AFTERMATH is complex story about what happens after that discovery and the mysteries that still have to be untangled, not least the question of motive. FRIEND OF THE DEVIL involves several characters from AFTERMATH, but I thought the first book was the more compelling. Robinson writes good characters, but I can't quite get into him the same way I've fallen in love with Reginald Hill, who also writes police procedurals set in Yorkshire.

THE SEDUCTION OF WATER/Carol Goodman/A
A re-read for book club. When Iris Greenfeder gives her writing students an assignment about fairy tales, she sets in motion an uncovering of long-held secrets--not least of which is why her mother died in a hotel fire when Iris was ten. Selkies and stolen necklaces, reformed criminals and hotel millionaires, a hot summer and a search for a mother's missing manuscript . . . Goodman writes smart, romantic, and richly atmospheric thrillers that are great for book club questions like: What's the difference between a smart thriller and a dumb one?

2009-02-02T12:13:00.006-07:00

YEAR 20

I'm a few days late with this. I think it's because I could only take so much humiliation in one week. After the body fat percentage, I had to fill in the cracks of my esteem before I dared post this photo.

Of course, it was 1989. I was not (please, tell me I was not) the only 20-year-old walking around with bangs to heaven. The truly sad thing is that I spent more time doing my hair in the years of this style then I ever have before or since. So much effort--so little reward.

Aside from the tragedy that was my hair, 20 was a good enough year for me. I was a junior at BYU, loving Shakespeare and the Romantic poets and Victorian novels. I finally had my own car (and a driver's license--that's another story). I had a job at a doctor's office and friends and even some dates from time to time.

It was also a turning point year for me. It was the year I pondered what I wanted in my life and the year I decided to take a break from school. One week after my 21st birthday, I started a new adventure as a missionary in Haiti.

There is no better decision I could have made. Haiti changed me, physically and emotionally. I would not be who I am today without those 18 months spent with Haitians, speaking their language, loving their children, being part of their lives.

I'm starting to see a pattern here--20 was the year I prepared for Haiti; 30 was the year I found myself in a new state and new home; what will 40 be?

Can't wait to find out.

2009-01-29T13:38:00.004-07:00

PAINFULLY HONEST

I'm not entirely happy with the way I look.

Yes, I've lost 15 pounds since last spring. But I've got another 10 or 15 to go, and I have far-off hopes that include size-6 skirts and running a 5k.

Enter my 40 days of 40 and my darlingest husband who paid attention to all my griping and got me the best present that I would never have thought to ask for . . .

A personal trainer.

Who comes to my house.

It doesn't get any better. Which is what I'm reminding myself as I sit here, vaguely aware of muscles that I'm pretty sure will hurt tomorrow morning. "This is a good thing, this is a good thing, this is a good thing . . ."

Good news: in our very first session at 7:00 a.m. this morning, she had me doing things I didn't think I could. Like when I'd finished 3 sets of something-or-other lifts and thought I was done, only to be handed a heavier weight and told, "This is your heavy set." And that one was followed by a return to the lighter weights. 5 sets? No wonder I never made progress on my own.

Bad news: the session started with the ritual taking of my measurements and the calipers for body fat. (Followed by the ritual throwing of myself off a cliff into a pile of doughnuts.)

In the interest of using public humiliation as a motivator for change, I will now tell you that my body fat percentage is 32%. Looking at different charts, that puts me anywhere from poor to barely acceptable to obese.

Obese?! Really?! I wear a size 8! (Of course, I also recently preached to you all about how sizes and weight numbers don't matter.)

But body fat percentage is another story. That's a number I intend to change in the next four months of twice-a-week training sessions and changed-up cardio workouts. I want to drop that number, drop my weight, increase my strength, and increase my endurance.

I'll let you know how it's going. If only because I don't want 32% body fat to be the last number you remember about me.

2009-01-26T17:06:00.004-07:00

2008 IN BOOKS

Where has January gone? Into fog and inversions and sleet.

Where is Maui when you need it?

Sigh.

I did finally tally up my last year in books on this icy day.

Total Books Read: 114 (almost 20 fewer than last year--I thought so much time in hospitals would have increased my total)

Non-fiction: 30

Young Adult: 13

Fantasy: 14

Historical: 25

Mystery: 52

Although my overall number was down from last year, my percentages stayed pretty much the same. (In other words, you just can't take the genre-lover out of the woman.)

The very best books? Here's my spur-of-the-moment list . . .

Best non-fiction that was not a re-read: DEATH BE NOT PROUD/John Gunther (a 17-year-old's final year of life with a brain tumor, written by his father in 1948)

Best YA: a tie between two wildly different novels--THE BOOK THIEF/Marcus Zusak (young girl in WWII Germany and her friends and family) and SPECIAL TOPICS IN CALAMITY PHYSICS/Marisa Peshl (intricately plotted, exuberantly written, what-is-going-to-happen-next story of a private school girl and underground political movements)

Best Fantasy: THE GOLDEN COMPASS/Phillip Pullman (daemons, witches, armored bears, and the most compelling child character in ages)

Best Historical: OUTLANDER/Diana Gabaldon (a post-WWII woman goes back in time to 18th-century Scotland and falls in love with a Highlander, richly romantic and lushly epic in both story and style)

Best Mystery: has to be subdivided into:

Best Continuation of a Series: a tie--CARELESS IN RED/Elizabeth George (for pulling off the nearly impossible task of following Inspector Lynley after the traumatic death of his wife and unborn child and offering an intricate mystery to boot) and THE LAUGHTER OF DEAD KINGS/Elizabeth Peters (because I love John Tregarth and Peters obviously had nothing but great fun writing this book--I smiled all the way through)

Best First in a Series: VARIOUS HAUNTS OF MEN/Susan Hill (wonderful characters and a twisty plot that ended in a stunning about-face--unfortunately the next two in the series would fit in the category Biggest Disappointments)

Best Stand-Alone: TOUCHSTONE/Laurie R. King (anarchists, British upper-classes, an FBI agent searching for a bomber, and a traumatized soldier with an unusual skill are woven into a wonderful story that I loved every word of)

Best New Series To Me: the Armand Gamache novels by Louise Penney, starting with STILL LIFE (a Quebec officer investigates murder with humanity and grace, compelling characters and plots, wonderful sense of place)

Honorable Mentions:

DREAMS FROM MY FATHER/Barack Obama (biography of our new president's early life)
FIELD OF DARKNESS/Cornelia Read (first in a mystery series set in the 1980s with a journalist who uncovers murderous secrets in her family's past)
A THOUSAND SPLENDID SUNS/Khaled Hosseini (the unlikely friendship of two very different Afghani women, even better than the author's THE KITE RUNNER)
THE NIGHT VILLA and THE SONNET LOVER/Carol Goodman (I love her atmospheric romantic thrillers and these both had exotic locations and sympathetic heroines)

Do you know what I'll remember most about this last year in books? Where and when I was reading them. TOUCH NOT THE CAT by Mary Stewart, for instance, is the book I took with me to the ER on January 1st and finished reading by my son's bedside later that week after he'd been diagnosed with cancer. Re-reading Bill Bryson's NOTES FROM A SMALL ISLAND during his daily radiation treatments, just to have something familiar and funny to take my mind away for a little bit. Weeping my way through Joan Didion's THE YEAR OF MAGICAL THINKING for book club--I'd recommended it after reading it the previous year but reading it again while my son went through chemo was an entirely different experience.

I wonder what I'll be reading two weeks from now while he has first follow-up MRI since treatment ended.

Maybe I won't be reading--maybe I'll be writing. Now there's a thought! Here's to 2009--The Year of Selling My First Book :)

2009-01-20T08:54:00.004-07:00

In honor of my 10th day of being 40, I thought I'd go back ten years and give a peek of my life at 30.

(Full disclosure: the photo is taken shortly before my 31st birthday. I do not like any photos from earlier in the year. Deal with it.)

Worst thing about turning 30? I was living with my parents. That's just embarrassing. Granted, it was temporary, but by my birthday, it had been going on for weeks longer than we'd hoped. We had moved from Seattle the previous August and were building a new house; everyone who's built a house will understand how the weeks dragged by. To the point that, around about my 30th birthday in January, my mother was asking, "Now when is your house supposed to be finished?"

Not soon enough.

While living with my parents, our one and only daughter was born. After my shortest labor (four hours) and with no epidural (not the gameplan), my husband and I graduated from one-on-one parenting to zone defense (basic philosophy--there's more of them than of us, try not to let anyone die). I had thoughtfully pulled out everything I would need for a newborn before the move and made sure it didn't get packed away in the storage unit. Which was all well and good until we put the swing together and realized we had all the pieces except the motor.

We finally moved (into the home we're still living in) just after Valentine's Day 1999. We had no neighbors, something that would not change for an entire year. We had no yard, something that would not change until nearly the end of summer. We had no TV, something I had ambitious hopes of never changing (Hope: "Maybe we'll discover how wonderful it is with no television!" Reality: "Do you know how many times I've watched that Sesame Street videotape in the last 7 months? Get me a satellite dish now!")

Life was good :)

And here's my basic mantra about growing older: I can totally love getting older as long as my children do the same. I'll take 40 any day of the week over having 3 children age 5 and under.

Check back in 10 days for a look back at 20. (It will be worth it for the 80s hairstyle alone.)

2009-01-16T07:54:00.004-07:00

FORTY DAYS OF FORTY

Good news--my birthday did not include a single doctor's visit.

Bad news--I'm still forty.

Good news--It's better than the alternative.

So what did I do on my birthday? I got up at 2:45 a.m.; drove an hour to Haiku, Maui; rode another hour up Haleakala; watched the sun rise over the crater; rode a bike 29 miles back to Haiku.

It seemed like a good idea right up until the part where I had to get up at 2:45 a.m.

Seriously? It was a lot of fun. Which might have something to do with the bike ride being almost completely downhill. Oh, and for anyone who might be considering this in the future? They're not kidding when they say it's cold on top of Haleakala. And I don't mean cold for Maui--I mean cold, period.

Now I'm in the midst of my Forty Days of Forty.

This concept was introduced to me by my friend, Laura (great name) whose husband took it upon himself to make sure each day for forty days before her birthday was something special. (As he told me, don't get too excited. Yes, one day he gave her a horse. But another day, he gave her a pancake. The classic "It's the thought that counts.")

I, selfish creature that I am, did not want to start my forty days before my birthday, as that would have necessitated sharing it with the month of Christmas and New Year's Eve. So I'm doing the forty days after.

I am currently on day 7. So far, so good. No more Maui, but I have my friends. It's a fair trade.

Yesterday's treat fell somewhere between a horse and a pancake. While talking to Katie on the phone in the morning, we decided to go to lunch. Why not? It's my forty days, after all.

And if I can spread that concept around, the world will be a little better place.

At least for forty days.

(Ask me how I feel about my age on Day Forty-One.)

2009-01-06T18:55:00.002-07:00

RANDOM

1. What happens when Dad gives 15-year-old a cell phone for Christmas without asking Mom? Said 15-year-old takes video of Mom attempting Dancing With the Stars on Wii. And shows it to his friends. At which point Mom threatens to disable either son, dad, or phone.

2. The Law of Inverse Time and Writing: a fabulous, not-to-be-missed opportunity to share one's writing will arise at the end of a month in which absolutely no writing has been done except the family Christmas letter.

3. Taking down Christmas decorations is almost as satisfying as putting them up.

4. Diet success during the holidays means gaining no more than two pounds. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

5. Sub-zero temperatures and two feet of snow in the front yard are absolutely blissful to contemplate when one knows that 24 hours from now, one will be contemplating it while on a beach in Maui.

6. As long as my 40th birthday this week doesn't include outpatient chemotherapy or a two-hour long meeting with my son's radiation oncologist, I will be delighted to bid 39 farewell.

2009-01-05T17:26:00.004-07:00

DECEMBER BOOKS

DEATH BE NOT PROUD/John Gunther/A
Written in 1948, a non-fiction account of the author's only son, Johnny, and his diagnosis with and death from a brain tumor. What I found most intriguing was immersing myself in a cancer parent's world sixty years ago and how different it was. Johnny was one of the first treated with a precursor of chemotherapy, developed from the chemical weapon mustard gas. Parents weren't allowed to spend the night in the hospital--this 17-year-old boy would call his dad last thing every night to say goodnight. Pathology reports took weeks without computers and faxes to send information. Doctors would not give any information to Johnny's mother, only his father. Darn good thing none of our doctors tried that! A small but beautiful book about a boy and his graceful last year of life. Recommended.

ALL SOULS/Michael Patrick McDonald/B-
Another non-fiction, about the author's family and his years growing up in Boston's South Side. It was well-written (I would give it an A for style and prose and scene-setting) but depressing. Four of the author's brothers died, in prison or shot by police or drug overdoses or suicide, and one sister fell (or jumped) off a building while high and suffered permanent brain damage. Unless you're interested in a sociological account of political incompetence, gang violence, and the destroying nature of drugs, I wouldn't recommend it.

IN THE WOODS/Tana French/A+
Another new crime writer to love! Hooray! French's first novel is set in Ireland where a police detective investigates the murder of a young girl on an archaelogical site. But it's complicated (naturally) by the fact that Detective Rob Ryan was once Adam Ryan, a 12-year-old boy who went into the woods with his two best friends and came out alone, catatonic and with someone else's blood in his shoes. The new murder site contains a link to that old disappearance and Ryan sets the stage for trouble when he remains on the case by lying about his past. He's never been able to remember what happened that afternoon when he was 12, but working this murder begins to unlock his memories. It's not an easy or light book, but I was drawn right in and impressed by French's character work. I especially liked Cassie Maddox, Ryan's police partner, who is the main character in French's second novel (which I'm taking with me to Hawaii this week.)

AN INCOMPLETE REVENGE/Jacqueline Winspear/B+
Maisie Dobbs' latest case takes her to Kent and the hop-picking fields. It also reveals more about her past and the gypsy blood I didn't know she had. While clearing up a land deal involving vandalism and mysterious fires, Maisie realizes that the village is holding a secret from the war that continues to reverberate almost twenty years later. I liked this one much better than the other recent entries in the series; it was, of course, well-plotted and well-told.

UNABOMBER/Robert Graysmith/C
I was looking for an in-depth study of Ted Kacynzski and his life and psychology, but ended up with a minimum of human interest and a maximum of technical detail. I'm not really interested in the schematics of each bomb he made--not to mention I can't understand them. But there was just enough personal storyline to keep me going. I liked the accounts of his adolescence, his short teaching career, and especially his interactions with his family. But it wasn't the biography I was looking for.

NEW ENGLAND WHITE/Stephen Carter/A
Carter writes beautiful prose and twisty plots about upper-class African-Americans who keep coming up against the facts of their skin color in white society. But not really. What he really writes about is people--difficult, complex, ambitious, and interesting people who wind up in even more interesting situations. One snowy night, Lemaster and Julia Carlyle come upon a body in the snow. It turns out to be Julia's former lover, Kellen Zant, an economics professor at the university where Lemaster is president. Julia thinks it's only the emotional landmines she has to watch out for her, but sooon discovers that Zant left her clues to something dangerous he was working on before his death. Now the people who came after him are after her, sure that she will decipher what he's left behind, a secret that involves her husband and may change the course of the next presidential election. But all Julia wants it to be left alone--until she realizes her troubled daughter is at the heart of the secrets.

EXTRAS/Scott Westerfield/B+
The newest in the UGLIES series, EXTRAS benefits from a new point of view character. Aya Fuse lives in a city that functions on reputation, determined by how many people connect to your website (or the future equivalent of such). Trying to kick a story that will rocket her out of extra-hood and into the high life, Aya infiltrates a group of girls pulling amazing tricks. But the real story comes in a train tunnel and with the alien-looking creatures who lead them to what looks a lot like a missile silo. Set several years after Tally Youngblood and her friends changed the world, Aya is a refreshing voice and when Tally shows up, it's fun to see someone else's take on a character who told her own story for three books.

2008-12-26T19:07:00.002-07:00

CHRISTMAS NUMBERS

8: books received by me from me

1: linen-silk coat received by me from me

12: inches of snow on Christmas Day

16: people fed at my house on Christmas Eve

4: chairs borrowed to seat people on Christmas Eve

7:30 a.m.: hour we allowed children out of their rooms on Christmas Day

2: children who had to be woken up at that hour (not the teenagers--it was the little ones who were sleepy)

4: presents my husband cheated and bought me after telling me to buy my own gifts

2: presents I cheated and bought my husband (3 if you count the DVDs that were for both of us)

16: Christmas Days as husband and wife

1: incredibly surprised and happy 15-year-old, the newest owner of a cell phone (not my idea)

2874: calories burned on December 24th--I usually work out between 45-60 minutes to burn between 2100-2200 calories a day--apparently, all I need to go each day is get up at 7:00 a.m. to shop and go to breakfast, then spend the rest of the day cooking, cleaning, and wrapping gifts--who knew?

12: days until my husband and I leave for Maui

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-17T19:11:00.004-07:00

FICTIONAL CRUSHES

My friend, Amy, gave me a wonderful idea for a post--list my fictional crushes. (So my husband can blame her for what follows--I'm just doing what she suggested.)

Where do I begin . . .With Frank and Joe Hardy solving crimes? Gilbert Blyth holding fast to his love for Anne? Austen's Mr. Darcy or Bronte's Mr. Rochester or du Maurier's Maxim de Winter?

In ascending order, here are my Top Five Entirely Fictional Crushes, loved from words alone and the stories they live in.

5. This was the hardest spot to fill, but after long and careful thought I had to go with Faramir, Captain of Gondor (THE LORD OF THE RINGS/J.R.R. Tolkien)

In the film versions of Lord of the Rings, Aragorn is far and away my man, but before the films were the books and in the books, first read when I was 17, Faramir has my heart. What to make of a man who can resist the One Ring? Who fights for a father who torments him? Who falls in love with Eowyn . . . (I'll get to her in another post--Fictional Women I Wish I Could Be). So Faramir it is.

4. Francis Crawford of Lymond, once Master of Culter, later Comte de Sevigny (THE LYMOND CHRONICLES/Dorothy Dunnett)

I think I'd love him for his titles alone--there aren't a lot of great titles in today's world. The first time I read the six books in the Lymond Chronicles, it took me to the end of the third book to fall for Francis Crawford. He's the epitome of a riddle wrapped in an enigma, something the author perpetuates by only very rarely using his point of view. He's a Renaissance man in the Tudor era, who can fight and love and deceive in multiple languages and across continents. He's charming, clever, athletic, cruel, loyal, dangerous, and vulnerable. And he recognizes a good woman when he meets one--even though Philippa is only ten years old the first time she crosses his path.

3. Peter Wimsey (The Wimsey Novels/Dorothy L. Sayers)

Younger son of a Duke, army captain in WWI who "had a bad war", collector of rare books and solver of mysteries in 1920s and 30s England. He babbles about anything and everything, sings like a professional, and has beautiful hands. He also has the good taste to fall head over heels for a mystery novelist the first time he sees her, as she's standing trial for her life. It's Harriet Vane who makes Peter human and crushable--I re-read the Peter/Harriet stories more often than the Peter stand-alones, just to imagine what it would be like to have a rich, titled man in love with me.

2. John Tregarth (The Vicky Bliss Novels/Elizabeth Peters)

I fell in love with John the first time he ran away from a gun in THE STREET OF THE FIVE MOONS. Art thief and avowed coward, John is bound to break into bad jokes at the most inopportune moments. He also has a bad habit of leaving Vicky to pay the bills and, although she never knows when he'll show up, she does know that he'll bring trouble with him. But she can't resist his insane sense of humor and his esoteric knowledge of English poetry--until he shows up with a pretty little wife and in the company of dangerous men in NIGHT TRAIN TO MEMPHIS. I defy anyone (okay, any woman) to read that book and not fall for John.

1. Ramses Emerson (The Amelia Peabody Novels/Elizabeth Peters--what can I say? Clearly Elizabeth Peters and I have the same ideas of what makes an irresistible man)

Although I generally love seeing books made into films, just to see the beautiful settings brought to life, I hope I never see Ramses Emerson caught in flesh. That way, I can continue to worship him through the pages of books alone. Ramses is the son of Egyptologist parents in the early 20th century and is himself a brilliant scholar and linguist. But it's his actions that make him crushable--from disguising himself as an Egyptian nationalist to working undercover as a spy during WWI to scaling the sheer wall of a cliff-side dwelling to get to the woman he loves . . . Sigh. And when that love, Nefret, marries another man in a fit of pique, the crush is absolute. Ramses Rules. End of story.

So what can you learn about my psyche from this list?

First, that I'm an Anglophile. Barring Faramir, each of this men is British (and I think a point can be made for Faramir--at least his author is British.) True, Francis Crawford is loyal Scots through and through, but British is British, whether he wants to admit that or not.

Second, that I'm a sucker for other times and other worlds. Except for John Tregarth, none of these books or men are contemporary. What can I say? I like swords and battles and chivalry.

Third, that each of these men has something in common besides the British accent: principles. As a character says of Peter Wimsey in GAUDY NIGHT: "That is a man able to subdue himself to his own ends. I feel sorry for anyone who comes up against his principles, whatever they may be."

The principles of an art thief may not seem to have anything in common with those of a Tudor soldier or an Egyptologist. But each of these men, in their own stories and their own circumstances and their own ways, comes up against a choice to break those principles. And they don't.

Peter Wimsey lays out the facts of an Oxford poison pen even when he believes it will destroy any chance he has with Harriet. John walks away from Vicky, allowing her and even pushing her to think the worst of him, in order to save her life. Francis Crawford sacrifices every single personal love to protect his country and his family's honor. Faramir sends Frodo away with the One Ring even though he knows his father will never forgive him for not taking it.

And Ramses? He will do anything to ensure Nefret's happiness, even when it appears to take her away from him. And he will endure any pain, mental or physical, to save others. And he will drive himself to the point of illness in order to do his duty to his family and country.

And the women they love? Eowyn, Philippa, Harriet, Vicky, and Nefret are independent and stubborn. They go their own way and they make their own choices, some of them stupid.

And the men wouldn't have it any other way.

In GAUDY NIGHT (it's the one I've most recently re-read), Harriet says that she almost wishes Peter would interfere instead of leaving her to make up her own mind about their relationship. And someone tells her: "He will never do that. That's his weakness. He'll never make up your mind for you. You'll have to make your own decisions. You needn't be afraid of losing your independence; he will always force it back on you."

Here's where I make up to my husband for this post: he doesn't have a sword, or a long list of hereditary titles, or a desert cliff to climb.

But he has principles. He has never broken them.

And he has always, since we were 17 years old, forced my independence back on me.

That's not a crush.

That's love.

2008-12-10T07:48:00.003-07:00

WHOSE CHILD ARE YOU?

My daughter likes to read. A lot. Every night around here it's "Hey! Turn off your light and go to bed!"

But last night was a new one.

While I blow-dried her hair, she kept reading. Had to use both hands to keep the pages from being blown over, but she didn't falter.

Could she be any more my child?

2008-12-08T15:10:00.000-07:00

NOTE:

I finally finished my November Books post. Scroll down a few posts if you're interested.

2008-12-04T17:34:00.004-07:00

Ahhhhhh.

I love Christmas.

I love the music and the lights and the gift-giving and the food.

And I love decorating my house.

My Five Favorite Christmas Decorations:

1. Christmas Trees. Plural.

One in the front room, with white lights and lots of silver ornaments but with splashes of cool colors (blues, greens, pinks.) Icily elegant.

One in the family room, with colored lights and sentimental ornaments--from the collections of kids' ornaments brought home from school over the years to olive wood ornaments my husband brought back from Jerusalem to my personal favorites, the stuffed felt ornaments my grandmother made that hung on my childhood Christmas trees. Brightly nostalgic.

2. Nativity.

I have several, including a cornstalk one I bought in Kenya last year, but my favorite will always be the white matte porcelain Nativity that my parents gave us the Christmas that we got enaged. It has been through multiple moves and not a piece has broken, including the oh-so-delicate shepherd's staff. I especially love that Joseph has his arm around Mary while they look down together at Jesus in her arms.

3. Stockings.

I made them. Enough said.

Okay, not quite enough said. I only made the stockings for the children. Cross-stitched: 3 different Santa versions for the boys and 1 Angel for the girl. Each child added to the family was progressively older before they got their handmade stocking. By the time I'd finished the third stocking (she was 6 at the time) I just couldn't face starting one more for the youngest. So I took the one I'd made for my husband, carefully unpicked his name off the top, and put the baby's name on it. Voila! I'm an amazing mom :)

Oh, and Chris and I have plain velvet stockings from Target. I'm over the whole handmade thing.

4. My gilded pinecone. You'd have to be me to understand--or have a good knowledge of the most recent STEPFORD WIVES film.

5. Pictures with Santa.

We didn't quite begin this tradition early enough--the first picture we have is when our oldest was 2--but we've been going steady ever since. We're starting to run out of room to display them. But nothing makes me happier than seeing the progression of our children through the years. We're off this Saturday morning for the annual picture and breakfast. Maybe I'll post it when we have it. For now, enjoy the photo at the top, the first one which has all four of our children, taken in 2001.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-03T19:40:00.003-07:00

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

On December 3 . . .

1986: Chris and I had our first date.

1991: Chris and I got engaged.

2007: Our 11-year-old son stays home from school with a headache. Last night he told me, "If I wake up tomorrow with a headache, promise you'll take me straight to the emergency room." (He went to school just fine today, thank goodness.)

The things we don't anticipate when we're 17 or 22.

I'm glad we were together for the unanticipated, my love. Happy Anniversary.

2008-12-01T17:49:00.003-07:00

NOVEMBER BOOKS

GAUDY NIGHT/Dorothy L. Sayers/A+
Possibly my favorite mystery ever, I re-read this every few years. This time it was for book club. Sayers was a Golden Age mystery writer, sharing the British stage with Josephine Tey and Agatha Christie. Lord Peter Wimsey is something of a crush of mine and I've wanted to be Harriet Vane since I first read this. In this outing of the series, set in the late 1930s, Harriet returns to her Oxford college and winds up investigating a Poison Pen who is vandalizing the college. Peter drops in and out of the story while he and Harriet work out their personal life, but the book is redolent of Oxford and scholarship and the pull between professional ethics and personal concerns. Every time I read this book, I wish that I had gone to Oxford.

CITY OF FALLING ANGELS/John Berendt/B+
The story of Venice in the 1990s, the book opens with the burning of the Fenice Opera House. Berendt uses the investigation and rebuilding, with all their Venetian twists and turns, to frame his look at the city and its inhabitants. Definitely made me want to visit and possibly own a palazzo on the Grand Canal. Time for me to start reading books that lead to less expensive dreams.

ARE WOMEN HUMAN and THE MIND OF THE MAKER/Dorothy L. Sayers/A-
After re-reading GAUDY NIGHT, I was moved to look at some of Sayers non-fiction. She was well-known as a Christian writer, friends with Tolkien and C.S. Lewis, but she also had an obvious interest in the role of women in society. The first book here contains two short essays that scathingly and satirically deal with the concept of women as actual humans rather than a separate species from men. The second book was more difficult but also more rewarding--a Catholic artist's attempt to explain the concept of the Trinity using human creativity as a model. It was challenging but rewarding.

UGLIES and PRETTIES and SPECIALS/Scott Westerfield/B+
A trilogy of YA books set in in a utopian future where the Rusties (us) have died out after destroying much of nature and where society is now strictly kept within various city limits. But the driving force is the surgery that is done when a teenager is 16, one that takes them from Uglies to Pretties. Tally, just short of her 16th birthday, can't wait for the surgery and to join her friends in New Pretty Town. But then she meets Shay, and learns about The Smoke--a place where people have never had the surgery and live together in the wild. Tally has been sent by Special Circumstances to locate The Smoke and betray them, but then she meets a boy . . . An excellent concept but also a fairly compelling story. I definitely read them quickly to see what would happen. Although it's billed as a trilogy, the author just released a new one this year, EXTRAS. I'll get back to you.

THE MIRACLE AT ST. ANNA/James McBride/B
Made into a film by Spike Lee this summer, I found this an intriguing book. A little too, hmmm, spare? underwritten? for me. It's a story of a group of Buffalo Soldiers (the Negro regiments) caught behind enemy lines in Italy. They wind up protecting an Italian child who witnessed a massacare at the church of St. Anna and they take refuge with a village while they wait for help. For such a slim book, I did learn a lot--points of view include the child, the various soldiers, a villager who is hiding rabbits under his bedroom floor, and a legendary Italian partisan. It's not by any means a cheerful book, despite the title, but curiously satisfying nonetheless.

BROTHER, I'M DYING/Edwige Danticat/A
Danticat is a well-known Haitian-American writer. This is a memoir of sorts, about her two fathers--the one who brought his wife to the U.S., leaving Edwige and her brother behind in Haiti for years, and her Uncle Joseph, her father's brother, who raised her and her brother until her parents were able to bring them to New York. You see the differences between the brother who left and the brother who stayed, but both of whom loved their families and their homeland. The crux of the story is her Uncle Joseph's death while in the hands of U.S. Immigration in Miami. A brief and easy-t0-read book that's full of emotional layers. Highly recommended even if you've never been to Haiti.

CHECKMATE/Dorothy Dunnet/A+
The last in the Lymond Chronicles, that I began re-reading last month. What can I say? I have a definite crush on Francis Crawford of Lymond and I want to be Philippa Somerville, his border-English wife. In this last novel, they have to resolve their very complicated marriage while Francis is leading the French army and Philippa is trying to chase down the truth of his birth. Seriously, if you are at all interested in historical fiction--pick up The Lymond Chronicles!

2008-12-01T17:33:00.002-07:00

THE END

Except, of course, that it isn't. The end. There may be a writer in this world who writes impeccable first drafts--I just haven't met any of them. And if you are one, please don't tell me. I want to keep my will to live.

In the comments, Amy asked "What do you do now?"

Ah. I face the fact that the jumpy, disconnected, with-occasional-flashes-of-brilliance manuscript labeled Kieran 1 must now be turned into an actual story. With a beginning and an end (those aren't a problem) and a middle (problem).

But I actually don't mind that work so much. Rewriting and revising have never been as difficult for me as getting down the first draft. (Of course, I've never managed to revise to the point that a professional wants to read the entire manuscript--but I digress.)

I start with Chapter 1, taking out some of the historionics; then rework Chapter 2, making sure I have accurate information for Kieran to discover about the Langlies and that we get a good peek at her coping-with-stress mechanisms; then Chapter 3, where I change her locale for getting into the past . . .

I think that's as far as I'm willing to think today.

Rejoice with me. I slightly exceeded my goal of 1500 words a day, I wrote every single day in November, and I have a first draft that, at the very least, makes sense to me.

And most of all--I proved to myself that I can still write.

Priceless.

2008-11-30T20:20:00.001-07:00

Today's word count: 2266

Total word count: 70,983

Tomorrow's plan: return to the real world

2008-11-29T21:30:00.000-07:00

Today's word count: 1686

Total word count: 68,713

Tomorrow's plan: FINISH

2008-11-28T22:20:00.002-07:00

Today's word count: 1551

Total word count: 67,025

Tomorrow's plan: Lucas and Jerrot

Woo-hoo! Two days and 2975 words to meet my goal--I'm going to make it! More importantly, I'm rocking my ending. Nothing feels better :)

2008-11-27T22:23:00.002-07:00

Today's word count: 1572

Total word count: 65,466

Tomorrow's plan: confront Lucas, Gemma in trouble

2008-11-27T10:40:00.002-07:00

Yesterday's word count: 1155

Total word count: 63,892

Today's plan: Thanksgiving--need I say more? All right, I do plan to get Colin and Kieran back into his time

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-26T15:39:00.002-07:00

I DON'T THINK NOW IS THE BEST TIME

Directions
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song name down no matter how silly it makes you look.
4. Title this email what the answer to your last question is.
5. Good luck and have fun!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
To the Rescue—Nighmare Before Christmas (I don't know who's doing the rescuing--it isn't me!)

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
A Gaelic Blessing—Mormon Tabernacle Choir (Can I switch that to Celtic blessing? The Scots and Welsh blood protests)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Encore of One Day More—Les Miserables (Oh, yeah--always one day more)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Loved Ones and Leaving—Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (I only wish they would leave--why do schools think we want our children around on holidays?)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Something to Sing About—Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Ah, yes, join with me: "Life's a show and we all play a part, And when the music starts, We open up our hearts")

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
The Shadow of the Past—Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (Almost 40 years' worth of past)

WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT?
Something Dark is Coming—Battlestar Galactica (turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, rolls, pie, pie, pie . . . and here come the calories)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Fall for You—Secondhand Serenade (if only he were coming with me to see them in concert tonight)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Many Meetings—Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (meetings are great--goodbyes not so much)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Stay Close, Don’t Go—Secondhand Serenade (except when I'm reading)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Blonde Over Blue—Billy Joel (good thing my wedding is in the past, because this song would never fly with the brown over hazel woman that I am)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Rest in Peace—Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Perfect--Katie, see to it. I want the undead vampire Spike to sing at my funeral)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Remorse—The Mission soundtrack (can't top that single word)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Whatsername—Green Day (not even going to touch this one)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Stone the Crows—Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (I suppose it could have been worse)

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO NAME THIS POST?

I Don’t Think Now is the Best Time—Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (now is always the best time to put off writing my 1500 words)

2008-11-25T22:36:00.002-07:00

Today's word count: 1559

Total word count: 62,735

Tomorrow's plan: Kieran and Colin work out their return to Sorrows Court

2008-11-25T09:14:00.002-07:00

THE WORST DREAM

Am I the only person in the world who suffers from teeth dreams? Apparently not, since I found it pretty easily on dream interpretation sites. I've just never met anyone else who told me they had dreams about their teeth literally falling to pieces in their mouths. Leaving wiggly pieces in sockets. Yes, these are very vivid dreams. I'm always glad when I wake up and run my tongue over my teeth to find them all (root canals and crowns and all) firmly attached to my gums.

In the dream interpretation sites, I found that teeth-falling-out dreams have to do with anxiety. It could be as specific as anxiety about one's personal appearance (Duh! having your teeth falling out while you talk to someone would definitely be a bad way to impress them with your elegance!) Or it might just be generalized anxiety.

When I woke up at 4:30, counting my teeth with my tongue, I realized that teeth dreams will always have a subtext for me now. Considering that December 18th is the one-year mark of the day my then 11-year-old had 3 teeth pulled and the dentist told me, "There's something unusual going on. I sent a tissue sample to the lab for identification."

So I'd say my teeth dreams might now be evolving into anxiety-about-scans-and-possible-relapse-and-also-my-mind's-way-of-dealing-with-past-trauma.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to brush and floss. Twice.

2008-11-24T22:39:00.002-07:00

Three posts in one day? Must be a record.

Tonight I picked up my son and his friends from the high school play. On the way home, heard Paramore's new song from the Twilight soundtrack. As I was thinking about that book, I was also thinking about mine and how to create the greatest possible drama for the ending.

A good rule for drama is to know what the character wants most and then force them to make a choice between that and something equally powerful. I've been fooling around for days, trying to pinpoint what Kieran wants most so I could create a powerful ending. Home, family . . . a lot of vague and unsatisfying generalities floated around in my head.

But tonight, I got it, released somehow by Paramore's music.

By the time Kieran comes to the choice, what she wants most--what she's worked hardest for over the course of the book--is to change the past so that Colin doesn't die.

So now she's going to have to choose--save Colin or save someone else.

WWBD?

(Also known as What Would Buffy Do, courtesy of Supernatural.)

2008-11-24T19:33:00.009-07:00

I'VE FOUND IT!

My style, that is.

Remember how I searched through Tim Gunn's book to identify my style? Well, on Saturday I discovered the store Anthropologie.

It might as well have been called This Store is For You, Laura--Come In and Swoon.

Swoon I did. And not just from the price tags. (What's a little matter of cost when it comes to defining style?) I was awed. I was amazed. I was giddy. I was in my own personal style heaven.

This is how Anthropologie describes itself: "Offers clothing and decorative home items inspired by other cultures, travel, flea market finds, and antiques."

I love other cultures! I love travel! I love antiques! I can learn to love flea markets!

Seriously, though, I walked through this store in something of a daze. This is going to sound either completely sappy or completely mad, but I felt as though I'd come home. Finally, someone got me. Even the parts of me that I didn't recognize until I saw them fashioned into clothing or designed in dishware. Like the brown wool coat dress with the full skirt and embroidered hem. Or the butterfly china. Or the brown felt cloche hat that made me long to live in a time and place where I could wear such a hat.

Being the dreamer that I am, I dreamed of a possible future where I am a writer who travels to conferences and book tours wearing silk wool trousers or a 1920s inspired shift dress. And then returns home, to the London flat with wood floors and open spaces filled with bright prints and subtle pen-and-ink designs.

I bet in that future, I can wear a cloche hat and get away with it.

If you want to take a peek into my psyche, visit:

http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/index.jsp

2008-11-24T19:30:00.002-07:00

Today's word count: 1718

Total word count: 61,174

Tomorrow's plan: delve into the depths of Colin's and Kieran's psyches :)

Today, I did a quick outline that goes backward from the end to where I am now. (Quick as in a couple of incomplete sentences--did I mention I'm not an outliner?) But it's given me a handle on how I see the important confrontations and resolutions. Here's hoping I can make it work.

2008-11-23T19:17:00.000-07:00

Today's word count: 1552

Total word count: 59,454

Tomorrow's plan: Hooray! I didn't get Colin shot, but I did get him stabbed. Now he's in Kieran's time and won't that be fun :)

2008-11-22T20:45:00.002-07:00

Today's word count: 1059

Total word count: 57,900

Tomorrow's plan: Colin remains unshot, so that's number one on tomorrow's list

I'm pretty happy at what I did today, considering the many hours of power shopping I put in first--only one pair of shoes, but I did get a purple velvet jacket to die for (Ginger, that one's all your fault!)

2008-11-21T15:39:00.003-07:00

Today's word count: 1178

Total word count: 56,839

Tomorrow's plan: buy shoes, lots and lots of shoes
Oops--that's my plan. The story's plan once shoe shopping is accomplished . . .get Colin shot. (I love this job--in what other job could I write "get Colin shot" on my to-do list and not fear going to prison?)

2008-11-20T21:18:00.001-07:00

Today's word count: 1938

Total word count: 55,657

Tomorrow's plan: today I did the romance, so tomorrow comes the tragedy

2008-11-20T08:16:00.002-07:00

Whoops! My emotions got all over the place last night and I forgot to post my writing.

Yesterday's word count: 1525

Total word count: 53,717

Today's plan: wouldn't we all like to know?

I left everyone at the ball--I know that equal parts romance and tragedy have to happen tonight--and I've got to set up well the next day so Colin ends up shot and Kieran has to drag him to her present . . .

Now I'm just babbling. Do you think I could sell a YA historical written in stream-of-consciousness?

Probably not. Sigh. Time to go work out my babblings into something approaching a story.

2008-11-19T19:52:00.002-07:00

Okay, I just finished my other post and I don't wish to take anything back, because it's all true.

But it also sounds, well, distant. Detached. One of those moving, sentimental, what-I-learned sermons that always make me wonder if the person writing it had any actual human emotions.

So here's some undetached, unvarnished, unrevised truths.

I'm still scared. I'm scared that the rhabdo could be growing right now and I won't know it until scans at the end of January. I'm scared that he'll relapse and we'll have to do it all over again, only worse, with more toxic drugs and longer treatment cycles.

I've cried more since he went off treatment than in any given period during treatment. Part of it is the aforementioned fear. Part of it is relief--finally being able to let go in the deepest parts of me that I couldn't allow out earlier because if I started I might not stop and I had to be able to stop so I could take care of everyone. And part of it is the recognition of how we have all been changed, soul-deep, by this experience.

I worry that this year derailed my dreams, that somehow I lost my chance because I had to do other things for a time. Don't get me wrong--I wouldn't change that. I did what I needed and wanted to do. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't ache if I've somehow wandered off the writing path I love and can't get back.

So there you have it--messy emotions all over the place.

At least you can't say I'm not human.

2008-11-19T18:11:00.004-07:00

I've tried hard this year to keep my personal life separate from this blog. Well, not all of my personal life, just the parts that can't be tied into writing somehow. That's the purpose of Jacob's Journey--to chronicle my son's journey through cancer.

But now that we've reached the end of treatment and have been launched into the wide world of what-the-heck-happens-next-and-how-do-I-keep-the-cancer-from-coming-back-without-weekly-chemo, I find that my life, all of it, needs to be knitted back together.

To keep from randomly weeping all over my keyboard, I've decided to use the nice, tidy structure of a list to share a few things that come to mind.

1. There is no good way to do cancer. This might seem so obvious as to not need stating, but it was a mantra that got me through self-pity. Whatever the differences of age and treatment and personality--something is always going to suck.

2. And something is always going to be funny. And if it isn't, then make something up. Laughter goes a long way.

3. So does friendship. I do not understand the impulse of some cancer mothers I encountered this year to shut out everyone except those few in their same situation. Yes, having a child with cancer is terrible. So is divorce and infertility and financial stresses and mental illness and dying parents. I needed my friends this year. They saved me. I only hope I can do the same for them when needed.

4. A lesson learned from a high school friend whose daughter has leukemia: "Kids are resilient. Parents, not so much." I saw that over and over this year, every time we'd come home from an overnight chemo and my son would be up and playing computer games with his friends by dinnertime while all I wanted was to sleep.

5. Moms and dads do things differently. Thank goodness for my neighbor and dear friend whose 3-year-old was diagnosed with cancer one month after my son. From sharing stories of our kids and marriages, we realized that a) we are not crazy and b) our husbands are not heartless.

6. That being able to choose what to do with my time is a gift. My biggest fear this year (other than the obvious mother-fear of death) was that I would not be able to do it. I am, by nature, selfish. It is my least favorite thing about me. I was afraid that I would spend this year in a welter of resentment because of the demands on my time and emotions and not being able to do the things I like to do.

You know what? There were a lot of demands. And I did give up a lot of things that are important to me--including writing.

And I did just fine. Because I was caring for those people that are most important to me, above all else. How could I go wrong?

Now I have a new life. I can't go back to the old one--if nothing else, taking my son for CT and MRI scans at regular intervals for the next five years will remind me that my old life is gone. But it's not the life of this year, either. I don't have to take him for chemo once a week or spend the night in hospital every third week or do radiation every single weekday for six weeks or have twice-weekly visits from the home nurse for blood draws or take him to the ER with a fever or take him for transfusion when necessary.

Now I send him out the door to 7th grade every morning, along his with high-school brother and his elementary-school sister and brother. And then I look around my empty house and say, "Now what?"

There's nothing like trauma to force you to look at what you want. Here's what I want:

1. To finish my new manuscript

2. To send it out

3. To begin a memoir of this year

4. To not be afraid of anything--because I have walked the path of every parent's greatest fear and I'm still here.

The night of my son's last chemotherapy treatment, I waited until he was asleep, nearly midnight, and then went for a walk in the halls that have become achingly familiar this year. I can point out the exact spot where my husband and I came together for the first time after hearing the diagnosis. (He had been at home with the younger children when I got the word it was cancer--I had to tell him on the phone.)

Only one thing could ever be worse than that moment, and that would be saying goodbye to a child. Short of that, there is nothing that can happen to me that can come close to that moment. So what do I have to be afraid of?

The following is from the hymn Thou Gracious God Whose Mercy Lends, words by Oliver Wendell Holmes. It's my own hymn of thanksgiving, now and forever.

For all the blessings life has brought,
for all its sorrowing hours have taught,
for all we mourn, for all we keep,
the hands we clasp, the loved that sleep.

We thank thee, Father; let thy grace
our loving circle still embrace,
thy mercy shed its heavenly store,
thy peace be with us evermore.

2008-11-18T20:44:00.000-07:00

Today's word count: 1566

Total word count: 52,186

Tomorrow's plan: ball

2008-11-17T20:45:00.001-07:00

Today's word count: 1563

Total word count: 50,612

Tomorrow's plan: run-up to the ball and Lucas's problems

2008-11-17T09:57:00.002-07:00

SIGH

I'm old.

I did the math--54 days until 40.

But that's not what made me feel old.

On Saturday, I took my 12-year-old son to to the university for the Scout merit badge Pow-Wow. It happens to be my alma mater. And from the moment I set foot on campus, I felt 22 again.

(I loved college. Loathed junior high, tolerated most of high school, liked my senior year of high school . . . but I loved college.)

My first jolt came in the Humanities Building. I hadn't been inside it for years. From the outside, most of it looks exactly the same (they did put an addition on one end.) So I was unprepared for the inside . . .

Presumably the walls are still in the same places, and there were still staircases that had a vague familiarity, but otherwise--zip. Zero.

I once knew that building inside out. I could point out the copy center and the various classrooms where I took Shakespeare and Linguistics and Romantic Poetry and Victorian Women's Lit and Mystery Novels. I knew the spot in the halls I preferred to sit and read between classes. I even remember where I was sitting, three months pregnant with my first and waiting to do an oral presentation on Florence Nightingale, when I heard my first labor and delivery horror stories.

Still, it wasn't all bad. It looks a lot nicer. There are benches against the walls so students don't have to sit on the floors. It was absolutely empty on Saturday morning. And I had an iPod to listen to and a notebook to write in. I coped.

But my pride had taken a crack in its foundation. What is the saying about pride and falls?

Mine was about to fall.

I spent an hour in the bookstore, which was much less changed, wandering up and down the aisles browsing like I last did, oh, fifteen or twenty years ago. I was feeling fairly secure about my appearance. I know I look younger than my age. With my new jeans (BodyBugg still working--down 15 pounds) and black ankle boots and slim-fit long-sleeved t-shirt, I thought I could pass for a grad student.

Then a man in a scout uniform asked, "You're here with your son for the Pow-Wow too?"

Ack. My prideful foundation trembled. But that's okay, I told myself, he's one of us--a father who has lots of experience picking out other parents.

I chose several books and waited to pay. The cashier asked the young man in front of me for his student ID. He gave it and received his discount.

Me? I was smugly happy to pay full price as long as I got to say breezily, "Thank you so much, but I'm no longer a student."

She didn't even ask.

Bam! There I was, in the ruins of my pride, facing the fact that I can no longer pass for a student--even of the graduate variety.

Do you suppose being in Maui for my birthday will make the pain less?

2008-11-16T19:20:00.001-07:00

Today's word count: 1710

Total word count: 49,047

Tomorrow's plan: finish Colin and Kieran's talk, lead off the unexpected month

2008-11-15T21:15:00.002-07:00

Today's word count: 1677

Total word count: 47,335

Tomorrow's plan: the long night with Colin watching over Gemma

Ah! So close. I so wanted to say that, at the halfway point, I had hit my daily average of 1500 words. But as I do the math, I see I'm short of that goal by 165.

You would think I might go back and force myself to add 165 more words.

But I think I'll call it a night. I wrote an intense scene, I'm fairly happy with it, and I'm at a good starting point for tomorrow.

All is well.

2008-11-14T22:50:00.002-07:00

Today's word count: 2180

Total word count: 45,656

Tomorrow's plan: Gemma's accident and aftermath

So I took heart from Becca's comment a few posts ago and I just wrote scenes today--I'll worry about making them a story later :)

2008-11-13T22:56:00.000-07:00

Today's word count: 1037

Total word count: 43,476

Tomorrow's plan: see where the muse takes me

So today was fun. Fun is good. Fun is not necessarily chronological, or expected. But it is definitely good.

2008-11-12T19:21:00.003-07:00

Today's word count: 1531

Total word count: 42,435

Tomorrow's plan: haven't a clue

Today is one of those I-hate-the-middle days, mixed with a generous leaven of I'm-truly-kidding-myself moods. I hate plots. Why can't I just write wonderful characters having great scenes? Why does it all have to knit together? Why does a book need a middle anyway? And why, oh why, don't I want to something else with my life, like bake great treats or run for office or go to graduate school?

Sigh.

2008-11-11T19:53:00.000-07:00

Today's word count: 1647

Total word count: 40,901

Tomorrow's plan: Kieran investigates Eliza's death

I'm 600 words behind where I should be, but feeling pretty good overall. By far my favorite scenes to write are those between Kieran and Colin--should I just give in and start writing romance novels?

2008-11-10T22:20:00.001-07:00

Today's word count: 2112 (trying to slowly make up for my low days)

Total word count: 39,247

Tomorrow's plan: Kieran and Colin and the solution of the first murder

2008-11-09T19:14:00.001-07:00

Today's word count: 1505

Total word count: 37,143

Tomorrow's plan: Sandrine's suspcious of Kieran's illness, watching Lucas and Colin fence, supposed solution of first murder

2008-11-08T21:53:00.002-07:00

Today's word count: 378

Total word count: 35,627

Tomorrow's plan: Write More Words :)
Okay, I did do Kieran's illness today, which means her recovery tomorrow

2008-11-07T18:21:00.002-07:00

Today's word count: 683

Total word count: 35,245

Tomorrow's plan: still Kieran's illness and recovery--today I did part of a new Chapter 2

Today was surgery day for my son--his port was removed--so I'm proud that I wrote at all :)

2008-11-06T18:10:00.001-07:00

Today's word count: 1663

Total word count: 34,560

Not bad for a day that started without any idea of what happened next :)

Tomorrow's plan: Kieran's illness and recovery

2008-11-06T11:22:00.003-07:00

OCTOBER BOOKS

CYBELE'S SECRET/Juliet Marillier/A-
It's not secret to anyone who knows me that I love Marillier's hsitorical fantasies. This is a sequel to WILDWOOD DANCING, a YA novel set in eastern Europe in about the 16th-century. In this outing, Paula, the middle daughter, travels with her father to Constantinople to trade and in search of a possibly mythical artifact. But the artifact proves to be all too real, as does the danger surrounding it. Of course there's a handsome man (two actually) and Paula has to learn to use both her cleverness and her courage to follow the clues being laid for her by those of the otherworld. Full of strong characters, compelling action, and wonderful setting and detail.

FINAL EXAM/Pauline Chen/B+
Chen is a liver transplant surgeon who was troubled by the difficulties the medical field had in dealing with terminal patients. This book is a collection of essays about the topic--from how it's taught (or not taught) in medical schools to dealing with individual patients and making realistic recommendations for their care. I read this for obvious reasons and found it moving and a decent insight into the doctors and nurses we've spent so much time with this year.

SPECIAL TOPICS IN CALAMITY PHYSICS/Marisha Pessl/A+
This is possibly my favorite book of this year. Marketed as a YA novel (presumably because of the 17-year-old protagonist), it's a wickedly clever, deadly funny, and brilliantly and unexpectedly plotted. Pessl obviously wallows in language, but she doesn't let that come at the expense of plot. Blue van Meer has spent her childhood, since her mother's death, moving around the country with her professor father. They've landed in North Carolina for her senior year of high school, a private school where Blue meets Hannah, the charismatic and mysterious Film teacher, and somehow winds up running with the cool kids. But when a man drowns in Hannah's pool during a costume party, things take a turn for the dramatic worse. Blue is an absolutely and utterly engaging narrator and when I finished the book, I thought, "Man! I've got to read that straight over again now that I know what's really going on!"

THE SONNET LOVER/Carol Goodman/A
Another wonderful Goodman romantic/literary suspense novel. This one is set in Italy, where Renaissance poetry teacher Rose Asher retreats after the apparent suicide of her favorite student. There are rumors that the student had stolen sonnet manuscripts from the Italian villa that hosts the college's study abroad program. But that's not her only concern--twenty years ago, Rose fled the same villa at the end of a painful affair. Now she's face to face with her lover, his wife, and their son and she's beginning to suspect that her student's death wasn't suicide. Throw in a possible identification of Shakespeare's famous "Dark Lady" and you have all the elements for a fabulous read.

THE SISTERS MORTLAND/Sally Beauman/B
I loved the first part of this book, and then it went a little flat later on. The opening is set in 1960s England in a country house that is falling down and houses three sisters--beautiful Julia, clever Finn, and odd little Maisie. Maisie narrates the first part, giving us a 13-year-old's view of her sisters and the men around them. Then we jump to 1990, when an art exhibition displays a now-famous portrait of the three sisters. It's a slow unraveling of the disasters and accidents that happened at the end of Maisie's summer account and how those disasters are only now playing out to their end. It was worth the 5 dollars I paid for it on clearance, but not more.

THE BLADE ITSELF/Marcus Sakey/A-
Danny and his best friend Evan were once partners in crime in Chicago. But when Evan wound up in prison for attempted murder, Danny went straight. Seven years later, he's shocked to find Evan out of prison. And Evan wants something from him--something Danny is afraid not to give. As the saying goes--"The more you have, the more you have to lose." A hardboiled novel, not my usual fare, but this is eloquently written and the characters are unique. But I thought Sakey's strongest element was his creation of setting and atmosphere. I felt like I was right in downtown Chicago, at night, in the dark, with winter looming and danger in every shadow.

And I re-read several of The Lymond Chronicles by Dorothy Dunnet (you can find my reviews of these historical novels somewhere last year)
THE GAME OF KINGS
THE DISORDERLY KNIGHTS
PAWN IN FRANKINCENSE
And I still loved them every bit as much as the first time :)

2008-11-05T16:35:00.003-07:00

Today's word count: 1550

Total word count: 32,895

Tomorrow's plan: um, yeah, we're coming up against my no-outlining problem . . . let me go away and ponder on it awhile

2008-11-04T18:52:00.000-07:00

Today's word count: 1599

Total word count: 31,343

Tomorrow's plan: facing off with Colin, overhearing Thompson

2008-11-03T19:15:00.001-07:00

Today's word count: 1531

Total word count: 29,740

Tomorrow's plan: Sandrine's secret visit and Kieran's reckoning

2008-11-02T17:30:00.000-07:00

Today's word count: 1556

Total word count: 28,209

Tomorrow's plan: Whitby visit

2008-11-01T14:36:00.004-07:00

ANOTHER NOVEMBER/ANOTHER CHALLENGE

Last November, I challenged myself to write 1500 words each day for the duration of the month, aiming to complete the first draft of my absolutely endless YA historical fantasy. I didn't quite hit the absolute numbers (I believe my daily average was between 1300 and 1400) but I did finish the draft.

(As for what's happened to that draft since--don't ask. The first half is in decent shape, but after working at it during the early months of Jacob's treatments, I just couldn't go on. I do plan to return to it, but that's a story for another day.)

I have another story I want to finish this November. I began writing it after I returned from WorldCon in August, the idea sparked by a faithful writing friend and a Regency ball, as well as inspiration from Diana Gabaldon's OUTLANDER. Here's the query I worked out to get me started--think of it as back-cover copy on a published novel.

Seventeen-year-old Kieran Holt is visiting Yorkshire when she sees Sorrows Court for the first time.

Or is it the first time?

Kieran has disconcerting flashes of memory at Sorrows Court and finds herself drawn to the story of former owner Colin Langlie, whom history records as a traitor and killer. But when she explores an old tunnel on the night of the full moon, Kieran gets more than déjà vu and history lessons—she winds up at Sorrows Court in 1800.

It’s not all empire dresses and candlelit balls—in France, Napoleon is rising and more than alcohol is being smuggled across the sea. In this world, there are some secrets men would kill to keep, no matter who gets in the way. But Kieran holds the greatest secret of all—the date of Colin Langlie’s death.

Can she change the past? Should she? Caught between times, Kieran must choose what to believe—history or her heart.

So there you go. As of last night, I had reached 25,000 words on the first draft. Now I go on. As last year, I'll post each night my word count for the day, my total word count, and my plans for the next scene. Wish me luck!

Today's word count: 1579
Total word count: 26,649
Tomorrow: more of Rosemary Langlie's history and visit to Whitby

2008-10-23T08:03:00.002-07:00

DREAMING

I've always been a dreamer--both day and night. But it's the nighttime kind I want to discuss, because of an interesting phenomena I noticed this year.

My dreams have always been vivid, colorful, and almost entirely populated by strangers. Yes, my hsuband popped up quite a bit, and occasionally friends or my children. But more or less, my dreams were like my stories--wonderful scenes, intriguing characters, and almost no logical story to speak of. Once I began writing seriously, I would often dream about my stories and characters and even when I dreamed about something completely unrelated to what I was currently writing, I would wake up with an image or an emotion that I needed for a writing project. It was wonderful--my own version of getting drunk, I suppose, to help unleash the Muse.

And then something very odd happened. After my son was diagnosed with cancer in January, my dreams changed. It took me a good six weeks or so to realize it, but then it hit me--I was no longer dreaming about strangers.

My dreams were as vivid and colorful and disconnected as ever, but they were now populated wholly by people I know. My husband and children, my best friends . . . all of them became stars in my dreams.

It didn't take long to figure out why. Dream analysis may be beyond me, but I do know that the subconscious will throw our worries at us. Apparently, all I had to worry about before this year was my writing. But once January came . . . well, my worries were entirely about the people I love.

So I went with it. Not that I could do much else--I've heard of the concept "directed dreaming" but honestly, that just seemed mean. Why shut off my subconscious that was working so hard while I slept? Besides, for all I know, allowing my worries to express themselves at night in freeform helped keep me rational and calm during the day. Small price to pay.

Why am I bringing this up now? Because in the last week, I've noticed my dreams start to change once more. I still haven't made it through a dream (that I recall) that doesn't have at least one person I know, but strangers are starting to show up once again. Maybe my subconscious is starting to let go now that we've reached the end of treatment. Maybe it's paying attention to how hard I'm working on my new project and is trying to help me out.

Still, if it's trying to help me out in my writing, you'd think it could give me clearer direction than me meeting an astronaut who was hit by a chunk of space dust during a spacewalk and had to have her arm amputated in space and now can see her arm floating in some space debris through a really big telescope.

(To give my subconscious credit, it was a very moving dream. Full of wonderful details and amazing characters . . . I'm just trying to figure out how that's supposed to help me write about a modern teenager in 1800s England. I guess my conscious mind needs to get back into shape as well.)

2008-10-21T12:53:00.002-07:00

STUFF

After a two-day trip with my husband last week (actually, it was 44 hours from the time we dropped kids off at grandma and grandpa's to the time we pulled back into our driveway), I've discovered what stuff I can live without and what stuff I can't.

I can live without:

1. More than one brush

2. More than one choice of eyeshadow

3. Pajamas (don't go raising eyebrows there and feeling happy for my husband--it was not intentional)

4. My laptop (but I suspect my tolerance for being without that would have evaporated around hour 45)

5. A coat

I can NOT live without:

1. Multiple pairs of shoes ("I just get excitable as to choice"--Jayne speaking about weapons)

2. Multiple books (I took three)

3. My iPod

4. Workout clothes (not only did I spend an hour in the fitness room, but I took a 90-minutes Pilates class)

5. Hot water and a warm bed (we were in the mountains--at Snowbird--and we hiked and I enjoyed the outdoors and the colors and the air and that enjoyment was made all the better for knowing I could have a shower and sleep under a comforter at night, not to mention having someone make breakfast and dinner for me)

2008-10-04T15:49:00.004-07:00

SEPTEMBER BOOKS

THE NIGHT FOLLOWING/Morag Joss/B
This book was a little too, hmmm, Joss-ian for me. Joss writes wonderful standalones with twisty characters and unexpected suspense and wonderful atmosphere, but this book seemed to rely too much on those things and not as much on story. It's a creepy enough premise--a woman who killed another woman in a hit-and-run accident begins watching over the dead woman's husband as a sort of penance. There's also a backstory that comes in the form of a manuscript the dead woman was writing. The elements were there, but it just didn't gel for me. But I'm sure I'll try Joss again.

THE COLD DISH/Craig Johnson/A-
Walt Longmire is the sheriff of the least populous county in the U.S. (Wyoming, by the way). Stuck in a unfinished house and with a life going nowhere after the death of his wife several years earlier, Walt is jostled back into things when the body of a young man is discovered. The boy was one of four convicted of sexual assault against an Indian girl and it appears to be a revenge killing. Walt has to investigate friends and along the way starts a new relationship. But Wyoming weather is only the most obvious treachery--people aren't far behind. Very, very good and I'll definitely look for the next in the series.

CONFESSIONS OF A JANE AUSTEN ADDICT/Laurie Rigler/D
I thought I would like this. I didn't so much. I can't even remember the main character's name (bad sign), but she's a 21st-century LA woman who wakes up in the body of a Regency-era woman named Jane. With a forbidding mother who threatens to send her to an insane asylum to a suitor who can't understand her change of personality, the woman is more interested in figuring out how to get back to her own life than fitting into her new one. I wouldn't bother with it.

FOUR QUEENS/Nancy Goldstone/A
Once upon a time there were four sister who each became a queen. This is history, not fairytale, and the sisters in question lived in Provence during the 13th-century. They became queens of (by sibling age) France, England, Germany, and Sicily. Disproves the common notion that women of the past did nothing but look pretty--two of the sisters went on Crusade with their husbands and gave birth in the Middle East (one while holding a besieged city after her husband was taken hostage); one used every wile to maneuver herself into political power; and the youngest schemed her way into a queenship so she wouldn't be left out. Fascinating.

CHRISTINE FALLS/Benjamin Black/B-
Quirke is a pathologist in 1950s Dublin. When he finds his stepbrother altering the death record of Christine Falls, Quirke is drawn into a conspiracy that reaches from Irish society to a Boston convent. The atmosphere is well drawn, but the story is much too bleak for me and I even got tired of Quirke after a while. I won't go looking for the second in the series.

THE NIGHT VILLA/Carol Goodman/A
After surviving a school shooting, Sophie Chase heads to Capri for an archaeological expedition. While searching for scrolls in the remains of a volcano-buried villa, Sophie also has to deal with a distraught student and her old lover who has shown up after five years in a secretive cult. Sophie's story intertwines with that of a Christian slave who lived in the villa when it was destroyed. Goodman is a master at plot twists and satisfying storylines along with great characters. I loved it.

FOOLED BY RANDOMNESS/Nassim Nicholas Taleb/B+

I'm not sure I was smart enough for this study of financial markets, but there were a few concepts that caught my interest. And look . . . they've escaped my mind. Oh, here's one: history is learned backward, but flows forward. Meaning we think the past is linear, but those living it were like us, making the best decisions they could with the information available. If you're smarter than me, read it. And then come explain it to me.

2008-09-26T11:05:00.003-07:00

I'M GOOD

Remember a few posts back, My Summer in a Minute, where I told you that my friend, Becca, is the next Stephenie Meyers (only better)?

Behold my rightness.

Becca's got a deal. Simon and Schuster, two-book deal, and an eye-rolling advance. From Publisher's Marketplace:

Becca Ajoy Fitzpatrick's HUSH, HUSH, a sexy and dangerous romance about a teenage girl who falls in love with a fallen angel with a dark agenda to get his wings back, to Emily Meehan at Simon & Schuster Children's, in a two-book deal, for publication in Spring 2010, by Catherine Drayton at InkWell Management.

I can't believe I know her. I just hope she keeps returning my emails now that she's going to be all famous.

Of course, this is a huge boost for my own motivation. I mean, it's actually happened to someone I know! Someone whose drafts I've read! Someone who has gotten better in the last five years and never, never, never quit!

Becca, you're my hero.

And you deserve every bit of it :)

http://beccaajoy.livejournal.com/

2008-09-24T12:10:00.002-07:00

FASHION VS. STYLE

Fashion: from the outside

Style: from the inside

Okay, you won't find those definitions anywhere but in my own head, but it's the conclusion I've come to after reading two books last months on style. However one defines those two terms, the distinction is important when considering one's wardrobe.

Fashion is something I've never possessed, and have only rarely wanted to. There were times in adolescence when I would try to jump on the fashion bandwagon, but it was almost always too little, too late. And though I had moments of it bothering me, it never bothered me enough to make the necessary effort to be truly fashionable.

Now I realize how very enlightened I was.

Because style is entirely different. It's not about what you wear--it's about who you are and how your choices in clothing reflect who you are.

(I'm not going to get into the whole philosophical argument that people should not be judged by their clothing--that may be nice in theory, but as any mother of teenagers knows, practically speaking people will make assumptions about us based on what we wear and how we wear it. So let's just take that as a given for the remainder of this post.)

I had help defining the issue with two books that I read last month: LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF STYLE by Nina Garcia and TIM GUNN'S GUIDE TO QUALITY, TASTE, AND STYLE by, not surprisingly, Tim Gunn. Both are part of Project Runway (Nina, an editor at ELLE magazine, is a judge and Tim is the, for lack of a better word, father to the competing designers, meaning he wrinkles his brow in concern, shepherds them through crises of confidence and tells them to "Make it work!") I picked up their books for several reasons, not the least of which was an upcoming shopping trip during which, lucky me, I would need some new clothes thanks to the success of the BodyBugg.

And I wanted to buy something slightly more sophisticated than jeans and t-shirts. Maybe it's my upcoming 40th birthday. In any case, I was hungry for information and Nina and Tim provided it in clear, easy to read style (there's that word again--it pops up everywhere!)

The salient points:

1. Quality beats quantity.

2. A deal isn't a deal if you'll never wear it.

3. Try on, try on, try on. Sizes differ from one label to another and you can never know how any particular item will look without trying it on. On a related note . . .

4. Don't get hung up on numbers. Tim's book had a revealing section on American vanity sizing (how mass market clothing has changed sizes downward in the last forty years to appeal to women's vanity--a size 12 then is now an 8.) I had a revelation on this point while driving across Wyoming with my friend, Katie. We are different heights, different weights, and wear different sizes. And it wouldn't necessarily match what you would guess from looking at us. If size 10 pants make you look 10 pounds heavier and size 12 makes you look 10 pounds slimmer, which size would you rather wear? If you must, cut out the size tags, but honestly no one will ever know the size unless you tell them.

5. Both Nina and Tim talked about inspirations--not to slavishly copy but more as an outline or beginning point. I found Tim's section on inspirations particularly helpful. And I was able to find mine, mostly as a process of deduction. After all, there's no chance that I'm Italian sexy like Sophia Loren or European chic like Jackie Kennedy. I really, really wanted to be Angelina Jolie--I can't even remember what her style is called but it quickly became obvious it wasn't mine. Join my husband in his moment of mourning.

Okay, moment's over. I know you're all dying to know what style I am. Ready?

Waif.

Stop laughing. The waif style is not about body type, remember? The waif style as defined by Tim is classic and feminine. Think A-line skirts, cashmere cardigans, fitted tops, boot-cut trousers, and ballet flats. Waifs are rarely seen wearing high heels--this one threw me for a moment, but then I remembered that I certainly don't wear them every day and there's always room for slight adjustments. The waif style is epitomized by actress Natalie Portman and director Sofia Coppola. (In fact, I may just have decided I'm a waif merely because I love Padme Amidala and because I was beguiled by Tim's description of Sofia walking the streets of Paris in ballet flats and a patterned skirt.)

How did this information affect my shopping? For starters, I tried everything on, including items that caught my eye but that I would initially have dismissed as too small or not my style. I bought only what I loved, not what I merely liked. I bought classics with a twist, like a kelly green trench coat.

And I didn't buy a single t-shirt. Not one.

Fashion is beyond me. Style I can embrace.

2008-09-21T19:50:00.002-07:00

You know what's really great . . .

Falling into a good book after a string of disappointments.

I picked up Carol Goodman's THE NIGHT VILLA today and it was like breathing a sigh of relief. I've had this book on my shelf for months--why did I wait so long, I ask? Interesting characters, a riveting first chapter . . . this is the kind of book I want to write.

I've loved Goodman's books since THE LAKE OF DEAD LANGUAGES. They all have similar protagonists and themes--academic women, Latin and other classics, remote settings that are as vibrant as the characters, a breath of the supernatural, mystery and suspense and beautiful storytelling . . .

Aaaaahhhhhh. That's me being happy.

2008-09-10T16:24:00.002-07:00

THREE BY THREE

3 names I've been called
Stephanie Victoria (in my birth mother's mind)
Soeur Sudweeks (in Haiti)
J.K. Rowling (in my dreams)

3 places I've been in the last week
Hematology/Oncology Clinic at Primary Children's
Timpanogos Hospital ER
Park City Outlet Mall (definitely the most fun of the three)

3 languages I speak
English
French
Haitian Creole

3 favorite restaurant meals
Cafe Rio's fish tacos
Macaroni Grill's lobster ravioli
Porter's fresh fish pie (I don't get here often--it's near Covent Garden in London)

3 places I lived as a child
Wilmington, Delaware
Hagerstown, Maryland
Orem, Utah

3 places I've lived as an adult
Port-au-Prince, Haiti
Hong Kong
Seattle, Washington

3 favorite places I've traveled
London
Kenya
Dubai
Mexico
Aruba . . . oh, wait, that's more than 3

3 most-played songs on my iPod
The Reason by Hoobastank
Full of Grace by Sarah McLachlan
Good Riddance by Green Day

3 things I've done today
Bought fabric for Halloween
Spent an hour on the elliptical
Put enchiladas in the oven (note: I did not say I made them)

3 schools I've attended
Vineyard Elementary
Mountain View High School
Brigham Young University

3 favorite authors
Let's not even start

3 non-scriptural books I would take to a deserted island
THE SPARROW by Mary Doria Russell
POSSESSION by A.S. Byatt
THE COMPLETE WORKS OF JANE AUSTEN (okay, if you consider that cheating, than I guess I could confine myself to PRIDE AND PREJUDICE)

3 books I'm currently reading
FOUR QUEENS by Nancy Goldstone
THE CONFESSIONS OF A JANE AUSTEN ADDICT by Laurie Viera Rigler
A SUPPOSEDLY FUN THING I'LL NEVER DO AGAIN by David Foster Wallace

3 current TV shows I watch (and this is stretching to get three)
Project Runway
Battlestar Galactica
Robin Hood

3 former TV shows I watch much more often than whatever is currently airing
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The West Wing
Sports Night or Firefly or Friends . . .

3 things I'm looking forward to
The end of my son's treatment
Finishing my new YA novel
Going to Maui with my husband for my 40th birthday

2008-09-07T12:43:00.003-07:00

AUGUST BOOKS

BREAKING DAWN/Stephenie Meyer/B
The finale of the TWILIGHT quartet, this novel was greeted with midnight release parties all over the place. I didn't get to it on the first day, since we were still on a boat, but I did read it in two days flat when I got home. As I said earlier, my favorite of the series is and always will be TWILIGHT, but it was a pleasure to wrap up the storyline of human Bella and her vampire boyfriend Edward. I was surprised by several twists, which is always nice, and there was a happy ending which I always like. But the happy ending was a little too easy for my taste--not enough sacrifice, too much of Bella getting everything she ever wanted without having to give up anything--and I doubt I'll re-read it. But by all means finish out the series if you've started.

BUCKINGHAM PALACE GARDENS/Anne Perry/B+
Somewhere along the way, I stopped buying all the new Perry Victorian mysteries and started getting them from the library. Still, this was more enjoyable than some of the her other recent offerings, with a tighter storyline and less jarring writing. (Or maybe it's just that the storyline was strong enough for me not to notice the writing.) When a prostitute is found eviscerated in the Prince of Wales' bedroom, Thomas Pitt is called in to investigate discreetly. His maid, Gracie, goes undercover in the servants' quarters at the Palace to help and the story is a rich one of Africa, ambition, and personal loss.

NAMING OF THE DEAD/Ian Rankin/B
I keep picking up random Rebus mysteries to see if I'll like the next one better. I haven't yet. Not that I dislike them, it's that I really need at least one strong sympathetic character in a book and John Rebus just doesn't do it for me. He drinks too much, he has no close relationships, and he lives only for the job. I find his worldview depressing and only pushed through this book because of its interesting setting. Scotland is hosting the G8 in the summer of 2005 and Rebus is drawn into several murders that threaten to disrupt the forum. I did like his brief encounter with President Bush on a bicycle, and there was real emotional power to the London bombings that occurred that week. Rankin is extremely popular and his books are well-written. They're just not for me.

JUST MURDERED/Elaine Viets/A-
This was a book I got for free at Left Coast Crime in March and didn't read forever because I thought it wasn't my type of book. But I found out it was just what I needed for a couple of days--light and funny and a good story. Helen is on the run from her ex-husband and takes a series of Dead End Jobs to survive. In this book she's working in a bridal salon in south Florida and has to deal with the mother-of-the-bride from hell. Things look bad for Helen when the vicious mother is murdered shortly after Helen was heard arguing with her. To save herself, Helen investigates the downtrodden bride, her golddigging new husband, and a host of other eccentric characters. Great for a quick and fun read.

FIELD OF DARKNESS/Cornelia Read/A
I'm kind of glad I put off reading this first in a series, because now I can go out and get the second one straightaway. Maddie is a journalist living in Syracuse during the 1980s, with an impeccable bloodline and none of the family money to back it up. When an old murder is raked up, Maddie is drawn into investigating by the fact that her favorite cousin's dogtags were found at the scene. Great characters, fabulolus first-person voice, evocative settings both scenically and culturally, and a wonderful mystery with lots of subtext. I loved it.

A THOUSAND SPLENDID SUNS/Khaled Hosseini/A+
The second novel by the author of THE KITE RUNNER, which I loved. I loved this one even more. It's the story of Mariam and Laila, two Afghan women who are raised very differently but end up married to the same man while the city of Kabul disintegrates around them. From the Soviets to the Taliban, one sees a country being ripped to shreds while most people try simply to live their lives. Beautiful, heartbreaking, life-changing.

LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF STYLE/Nina Garcia
GUIDE TO QUALITY, TASTE, AND STYLE/Tim Gunn
I'm not going to grade these here, because this whole style issue is going to gets its own post. Soon. I promise.

And last but not least, I went on a Vicky Bliss spree, to celebrate the newest entry in the series--the first Vicky Bliss book in 14 years. So I went back and read the previous ones:
BORROWER OF THE NIGHT
STREET OF THE FIVE MOONS
SILHOUETTE IN SCARLET
TROJAN GOLD
NIGHT TRAIN TO MEMPHIS
From German castles to Roman villas, Swedish islands and lost treasure and Egyptian art, these books are the best for two simple reasons: Vicky Bliss, art historian, and John Tregarth, reformed antiquities thief. And after this orgy of reading, I was totally ready for . . .

THE LAUGHTER OF DEAD KINGS/Elizabeth Peters/A+
The best thing I can say about this book is that I smiled the whole way through. I had fun, and clearly so did Peters. King Tut's mummy has been stolen from its sarcophagus in the Valley of the Kings and John is the prime suspect. Vicky belives him innocent--mostly. They set out with her boss, Schmidt, to prove John's innocence but his habit of silence and his increasingly frequent disappearances make it hard to put old suspicions to rest. Would you like it if you haven't read the rest? I have no idea. But when the rest are as wonderful as they are, why not start at the beginning and go on to the end? You won't be sorry.

2008-08-27T16:18:00.005-07:00

MY SUMMER IN A MINUTE

Because I've left it for so long, you get only a few thoughts from the many inspired blog posts I've written in my head this summer. Think of it as the Readers Digest version.

1. BodyBugg: Working. Down 10 pounds (me, not the device). Had one woman ask me how it monitored my baby--felt a drastic drop in esteem before I realized she'd misread the label as "BabyBugg".

2. WorldCon 2008: Or, as my friend Laura calls it, GeekFest. An enormous Science Fiction and Fantasy Convention held in Denver this year. Since Katie and I could stay in the same hotel we stayed in during Left Coast Crime, we figured what the heck. Saw lots of costumes. Men in corsets (okay, it was only one man, but he wore a different corset every day). Bought corsets of our own. Dressed up for the Costume Contest (as spectators, not participants). Heard someone refer, seriously, to humans as "The people from this planet". Attended my writer friend's panel on Mountains in Fact and Fiction. Bravo, Suanne, for making it fascinating! (You can read Suanne's take on it at http://www.suannewarr.com/blog/) Spectated at the Dowager Duchess of Denver's Ball. Ate good food. Read good books. Went to bed early. Best moment of the trip--the panel "Firefly: What Would the Second Season Have Been?"

3. Stephenie Meyer: A good summer for her--THE HOST released in March and BREAKING DAWN, the last of her TWILIGHT series released in August. In writerly circles, Meyer seems to be the next Dan Brown--envied for her fabulous sucess and despised for not deserving it. I say any writer who can sell out tickets to a signing in ten minutes flat and be greeted like a rock star by screaming fans is good for all writers. Love or hate her books, she's doing something right. (Oh, and I enjoyed BREAKING DAWN, but TWILIGHT is my favorite. So sue me for having no taste.)

4. Becca Fitzpatrick: This is long and shamefully overdue (in fact, I honestly thought I'd done this post already--but apparently only in the vividness of my imagination). If you haven't checked out her blog from my links, do it now (http://beccaajoy.livejournal.com/). She's the next Stephenie Meyer, only with deeper characters and killer dialogue. Her novel, tentatively titled HUSH, got Becca signed by a real live big-time New York agent this year. Becca's in the midst of rewrites and the agent wants to start submitting to editors this autumn. We're talking bestseller lists and movie rights, people. You heard it here first.

5. Tea: Technically this doesn't fall under summer, even though it happened in August. Last week Katie and I celebrated the first full day of school for our children by having tea in Salt Lake City at Elizabeth's Bakery and Tea Shop. Technically, I shouldn't call it tea, either, since we didn't actually drink tea, but Hot Chocolate hasn't become a noun yet. Plain scones with clotted cream, ginger scones with lemon curd, and shortbread just to send my BodyBugg into a tizzy fit. Then a ramble through the London Market next door, where one can buy anything from frozen Yorkshire puddings to Marmite to Harry Potter scarves.

6. Writing: This also is technically a non-summer activity, since I began last week when school did. I've started a new project, one that sprang to mind while attending the Dowager Duchess of Denver's Ball at WorldCon (hmmm, do you think I could write that off?) I'm not talking details yet, not to anyone, but I'm actually having fun, a concept I'd begun to doubt the existence of when it came to writing. I'm 4000 words in and writing every weekday. Good on me :)

2008-08-21T15:20:00.002-07:00

ANSWER: I AM . . .

Ha! You expected me to put "writer", didn't you?

After my feeling-sorry-for-myself post about writing, I had a long talk with my best friend, Katie. (Actually, friend doesn't quite cover it. She's the sister I never had. And if she doesn't like it, too bad for her!)

Katie said, "Laura, in the deepest part of your soul, you are . . ."

(I expected her to say "writer". I really did.)

Here's what she actually said: "you are a wife and mother."

The moment she said those words, I felt as though an enormous weight was lifted from me.

I am a wife and mother. That was my choice when I married and had children--and it's even more my choice today. Nothing is as important to me as my husband and the four souls God has given into our care. Nothing. Not even writing.

I hadn't realized the pressure I'd put on myself until it was gone. Me, the woman whose motto is "You should do what works for you", I had loaded myself with a basketful of shoulds where my writing is concerned.

The irony? The moment the pressure was gone, the more I wanted to write.

Because writing, indeed, is a part of who I am. It's a large part of who I am.

But it will never be the most important part.

2008-08-13T17:40:00.002-07:00

JULY BOOKS

WHERE MEMORIES LIE/Deborah Crombie/A-
A Duncan Kincaid/Gemma James mystery. Gemma is asked by an elderly neighbor to help her find out how a family treasure from Germany has ended up in a London auction house. Duncan is called into the case when a young woman from the auction house is murdered. With flashbacks to post-WWII London and the murder of a German-Jewish intellectual, this is one of the best of Crombie's novels.

TALE OF DESPEREAUX/Kate di Camillo/A-
A children's story about a mouse who wants to be a hero, a maid who wants to be a princess, a princess who misses her mother, a rat who hates the dark, and soup. What's not to like?

THE HOUSE OF THE SEVEN GABLES/Nathaniel Hawthorne/B
Not Hawthorne's best (I would reserve that honor for THE BLITHEDALE ROMANCE), but after visiting the inspiration for the house in the title, I had to read it. A young woman from the country comes to visit relatives who have secluded themselves in a supposedly cursed house. Lots of spooky atmosphere and old crimes to be uncovered with a happier ending than Hawthorne often provides.

LOST NAMES/Richard Kim/A
Seven vignettes about the author's childhood in Japanese-occupied Korea. The title piece is a haunting account of the men of the town registering their new, required Japanese names and their subsequent trek to the town cemetery to apologize to their ancestors. I knew a little about the suppression of Korean language during the Japanese occupation, but this book brought home the full cost and humiliation. I cheered right along with the 13-year-old narrator when the Japanese surrendered and the Korean flag was brought out of hiding to be flown once more.

THE PROMISE/Chaim Potok/A
Sequel to THE CHOSEN that I read for book club last year, I enjoyed this one even more. Reuven is studying to become a rabbi while his friend Danny is working with mentally ill youth. Some wonderful themes here, wrapped in a heartbreaking story about an adolescent boy who becomes increasingly, dangerously ill and the extreme treatment that Danny uses to try and reach him.

THE GREAT DELUGE/Douglas Brinkley/B
An in-depth, almost hour-by-hour, account of Hurricane Katrina in the hours before and the week after it struck New Orleans and the Gulf Coast. I was left with the burning belief that there was plenty of blame to go around as well as plenty of heroism. It took me a while to plow through it, but that says more about my ability to concentrate this year than the book itself.

I SHALL NOT WANT/Julia Spencer-Fleming/B+
Almost as eagerly anticipated as Elizabeth George's CARELESS IN RED, this book didn't work nearly so well for me as a follow-up to unexpected tragedy. The Reverend Claire Fergusson has joined the National Guard as a helicopter pilot in the wake of the death of Russ Van Alstyne's wife. They've managed to avoid each other for several months, but the death of an illegal immigrant throws them together in solving the crime. I think what I liked least about this book is that it covered an entire year--skipping over much of the grief and mourning so she could get them together at the end. Not my favorite of her books.

THE BELL JAR/Sylvia Plath/A-
Plath's famous fictional account of her own breakdown during her college years. Esther is living in New York for a month when life begins to close in on her. When she returns home, mental illness descends like a bell jar, allowing her to see the world, but not engage with it. She ends up in an upscale psychiatric hospital and gradually recovers enough to leave. Plath, of course, went on to marry English poet Ted Hughes, have two children, and finally killed herself in London after the bell jar suffocated her once more. A powerful book, especially for anyone who has suffered from mental illness or loves someone who has.

THE PURE IN HEART and THE RISK OF DARKNESS/Susan Hill/B
The next two Simon Serailler novels, set in a fictional English cathedral town. I loved the first one, which knocked me sideways and kept me breathless for days afterward. Of these two, I preferred the second one, which had some beautiful writing that spoke straight to me (about hospitals at night and the moments when a parent's life changes forever). But by the time I reached the third, I had to push to finish. These had less story and more character angst. Now I'm all about characters, but only when they have a story to do something in. And it's a bad sign when I detest the protagonist. By the end, I wanted to slap Simon Serailler and tell him to grow up and act his age and stop feeling sorry for himself for being so handsome and artistic and such a woman magnet. Yeah, life's hard. Move along.

THE BOOK THIEF/Marcus Zusak/A-
Ever read a book narrated by death? If not, this is the one to read. Liesl makes her first appearance as a 10-year-old girl who watches her brother die on a train. At his burial, she steals her first book, The Gravedigger's Handbook. Sent to live with foster parents to protect her from the Nazis' persecution of her Communist parents, Liesl finds solace in books. There's a Jewish boxer who hids in her cellar, a German boy who the Nazis want to train, two foster parents who are loving in their own different ways, and a mayor's wife who has never recovered from the death of her son in WWI. This is a powerful book I would recommend to everyone.

OUTLANDER/Diana Gabaldon/A+
My friend Becca has been telling me for months I would love this book. I did.

Okay, maybe I'll say a little more. Claire Randall is in the Highlands shortly after the end of WWII. Although she and Frank have been married eight years, the war kept them apart for most of that time. While Frank is busy with genealogical interests, Claire winds up on a hillside in a circle of standing stones . . . and suddenly Frank, and her world, are 200 hundred years in the future. Transported to 1743 Scotland, Claire is swept into a tangle of politics and border fights and trying to keep herself from being burned as a witch. When she meets Jamie Fraser, everything is turned upside down and Claire will have to choose between her past in the 1900s and a future with a man she never imagined. I've bought the second in the series and I'm beyond delighted that I have several more to go.

2008-07-14T16:12:00.002-07:00

AM I A WRITER OR NOT?

I've asked myself this question a few hundred times in the last five years. It's generally an existential one, focusing less on the undeniable fact that I am capable of forming words and putting them down on paper (or computer screen as the case may be) and more on the nature and uses of that capability.

The question usually resulted in a mindless, numbing spiral of frustration that goes something like this: Why am I writing? Should I be writing? What should I be writing? Would my time be better spent playing with my children or feeding the homeless? Is writing about something (violent murder, for instance) the moral equivalent of doing it? And what are we going to have for dinner and did I do the laundry and why, oh why, did I ever think that I could possibly write anything that anyone would ever want to read . . .

You know, just the general kind of writerly worrying.

But this year, that question has become a whole lot more practical. Am I writer or not? Let's look at the points for both sides.

Writer:
1. I'm writing something at this very moment.
2. I attend writers' group--not as often, but often enough that they still remember my name.
3. I participate in my online group--again, not as often but often enough not to get locked out.
4. I submitted a piece to an anthology in March.
5. I spend a lot of time daydreaming about characters and situations.

But on the other hand . . .

Not a Writer:
1. I spend hardly any time putting my characters and situations down on paper
2. I've been working on the same novel for almost two years.
3. I've never had a fiction piece published.
4. I haven't queried agents for over two years.

And last but not least,
5. I don't see 1-4 changing any time soon.

Yes, my son has cancer. I am aware. Yes, it takes a lot of my attention and energy. Yes, my stress levels are high.

But wouldn't a writer write anyway? Wouldn't a real writer sit in the chair and type words every day regardless of the situation? Wouldn't a real writer use writing to buoy up her strength? Wouldn't a real writer be better, stronger, more committed than I am?

Okay, so maybe this is an existential question still.

Which means there really isn't an answer.

Darn it.

2008-07-08T16:21:00.005-07:00

RANDOM LIST OF THINGS I MIGHT HAVE DONE

Gone on a blind date--NO, AND BY THE GRACE OF HEAVEN AND MY HUSBAND I NEVER WILL

Skipped school--YES, AND IF MY KIDS ARE READING THIS NO, I AM NOT GIVING YOU PERMISSION TO DO THE SAME

Watched someone die--NO

Been to Canada--YES, FAMILY REUNION IN ALBERTA WHEN I WAS 11 AND THEN OUR TRIPS TO VICTORIA WHEN WE LIVED IN SEATTLE

Been to Mexico--YES, FAMILY REUNION IN THE OLD MORMON COLONIES WHEN I WAS, HMMM, YOUNGER THAN 11, AND CANCUN LAST SUMMER

Been to Florida--YES, DISNEY WORLD TWICE AND THE LAST SIX MONTHS OF MY MISSION SPENT IN FORT LAUDERDALE

Been to the Caribbean--YES, HAITI IS PART OF THE CARIBBEAN (NOT A GLAMOROUS PART, BUT STILL); SO I LIVED IN HAITI FOR A YEAR AND WENT TO ARUBA WITH CHRIS FOR OUR 10TH ANNIVERSARY . . . AND IN A COUPLE WEEKS WE'LL BE CRUISING THAT WAY

Been overseas--YES

Been on a plane—WITH ALL THESE PLACES I’VE BEEN, THE ANSWER HAD BETTER BE YES

Jumped out of a plane--NO

Been on a helicopter--NO

Been on a train--YES

Been on a Greyhound bus--YES

Been lost--TODAY? YES

Been on the opposite side of the country—YES, USED TO LIVE THERE

Gone to Washington, D.C.—YES, USED TO LIVE THERE :)

Swam in the ocean—I DON’T SWIM IN OCEANS; I HAVE TOUCHED THEM WITH MY FEET, THOUGH

Cried yourself to sleep—OH, YES

Recently colored with crayons--YES

Sang Karaoke--NOT FOR AN AUDIENCE

Paid for a meal with coins only—MY FRIENDS AND I ONCE SPELLED OUT A NAME IN COINS AS A TIP FOR OUR WAITRESS (LONG STORY ABOUT THE 1984 OLYMPICS AND THE U.S. MEN’S GYMNASTICS TEAM)

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't—DOES EATING FOOD COUNT?

Danced in the rain—YES, THE HAITIANS THOUGHT WE WERE CRAZY AMERICANS, WE WERE JUST CELEBRATING THE NEAREST THING TO A SHOWER WE'D HAD IN SEVERAL MONTHS

Written a letter to Santa Claus—EVERY YEAR

Been kissed under the mistletoe—NO, DANG IT! I GOT TO BUY ME SOME MISTLETOE

Watched the sunrise with someone you care about or love—I DON'T DO MORNINGS . . .THE LAST SUNRISE I REMEMBER WATCHING WAS THE DAY MY YOUNGEST CHILD WAS BORN; I WAS OUTSIDE TRYING TO BREATHE THROUGH CONTRACTIONS UNTIL IT WAS TIME TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL

2008-07-08T13:50:00.004-07:00

JUNE BOOKS

PARIS REQUIEM/Lisa Appignanesi/C

In 1905, an American lawyer whose name I can't recall, goes to Paris to bring home his brother and sister. But his brother is determined to solve a string of murders involving young women of the streets, with the latest victim being a Jewish actress whom he loved. And the sister is unable to walk any longer, apparently a pscyhosomatic illness, as she can walk fine when hypnotized. I wanted to like this book. It had a good setting and a good premise, but the writing and characterization did absolutely nothing for me.

VARIOUS HAUNTS OF MEN/Susan Hill/A+

Hooray! My favorite thing in the world--a new-to-me mystery author who writes in just the right kind of style for me--multiple viewpoints, interesting subplots, fabulous characterization, an English setting, and baffling disappearances. This is the first in the Simon Serailler series, but the Inspector is not the central character of this novel. In fact, he only has a few viewpoint sections and is mostly a focus for several of the characters in the book, especially his new young sergeant from London. Freya is delighted to be in a new town and a new posting, but completely unprepared when she falls in love with her inspector. She throws herself into new friends and current investigations and is the focal point of the novel. Be warned--there is a twist at the end that left me gasping for breath and made me wonder if I would read any more of Hill's books. But I've decided she's just too good to hold a grudge. I'm taking the next two Serailler novels on our cruise later this month.

NOT IN THE FLESH/Ruth Rendell/A

I love Inspector Wexford. In this novel, a body is turned up in a field by a truffle-hunting dog. Determining that it must be at least 10 years in the ground, Wexford begins hunting through the past. And then another body turns up, about as old, and perplexity really sets in. What connection does either body have with a husband and father who disappeared around that time? And what of other missing men? Not to mention the strange households that surround the field where the bodies are discovered. My only complaint was that I couldn't understand why Wexford didn't grasp an essential truth as quick as I did . . . but it's a minor quibble for a Rendell book.

ABSOLUTE FRIENDS/John le Carre/B

Ted Mundy used to be a spy--a career he stumbled into during the Cold War and has since put behind him. Now working as a tour guide in Germany, Ted is shocked when his friend and espionage partner, Sasha, reappears with an offer that might be too good to be true. Some past ties can't be cut, and some people will always be ready to use a handy scapegoat. The book spends a great deal of time in the Cold War era, filling us in on the Ted/Sasha relationship, before returning to the world of present-day terrorists and their plans for destruction. Not my favorite le Carre, but it's hard to find a bad book by him.

THE WOMAN IN BLACK/Susan Hill/A-

Obviously, I did pick up another Susan Hill, but this is not a Simon Serailler novel. It's a ghost story like Jane Austen might have written. It opens at Christmas in the early 20th century with a family telling ghost stories around the fire. The husband and father cannot enter into the spirit of the game, because he once experienced too closely the real thing. He writes the story for us in a very Victorian way, back to the days when he was a London solicitor and had to travel to a remote East Anglian village when an old client dies. The house of the deceased is on an island that is cut off by the tides except for twice a day. The townspeople think he's crazy to spend the night there, but he does, and that's when the noises begin . . . Very creepy and very tragic. My kind of book :)

THE AMBER SPYGLASS/Phillip Pullman/A

The last in the Golden Compass trilogy. My daughter warned me I would cry, and I did. But I loved this book, much more than the second. Pullman does a wonderful job of tying up threads that seemed irrelevant and bringing all his characters to fitting if sometimes unexpected ends. Personally, I thought the atheism was way toned down in this book, to the point that I could make the belief system whatever I wanted it to be--either way, the story was front and center and Pullman is a great storyteller. Lyra and Will both come into their own as strong, vital not-so-much-children any longer. I'm very, very glad I read this series.

DEATH IN THE GARDEN/Elizabeth Ironside/A

The book opens in 1925 with a country house party for Diana Pollfexen's 30th birthday. The weekend ends in the poisoning death of her husband. Diana stands trial and is acquitted, after which she virtually disappears. Sixty years later, Helena, is celebrating her own 30th birthday when Diana's death at the age of 90 leads to surprising revelations for Helena, who had known nothing about her great-aunt's notorious past. Helena determines to find out what really happened to Diana's husband on that long-ago weekend. I loved the structure of this book, opening in 1925 and then spending the latter part of the book with Helena's researches and discoveries. A beautiful and wonderfully constructed traditional mystery.

THE YEAR OF FOG/Michelle Richmond/A-

Abby Mason is on a foggy beach with her fiance's six-year-old daughter, Emma. She looks away for a few seconds and Emma has vanished. The book traces the next year in Abby's life as searching turns to resignation. Only Abby refuses to believe that Emma is dead. It's a very literary mystery, with some beautiful thoughts on memory and photography and hope. The ending is bittersweet and not at all what I expected.

THE PRICE OF SILENCE/Camilla Trinchieri/C

Another very literary--I can hardly call it a mystery--novel. This one didn't work so well for me. I disliked Emma Perotti, the main character who is standing trial for the murder of a young Chinese artist she took under her wing. The book moves back and forth between the trial and everything that led up to the girl's death, as well as the secrets that have been kept between Emma and her husband. Her teenage son has secrets of his own and they all weave together, supposedly, to the end. But I'm not entirely sure what the end was--I still don't know if the artist was murdered or killed herself--and I didn't like anyone enough to really care.

2008-06-16T13:06:00.003-07:00

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME

1. I am a complete and total klutz. I do not have grace, I have never had grace, I will never have grace. At the moment, I can count several bruises from a) hitting my head on the bar of a ride at Lagoon last week, b) falling into the wheelbarrow in the garage, and c) walking into the hook on the bathroom door of Jake's hospital room--twice.

2. I only wear jewelry that means something to me. I admire my friends who accessorize. I love the concept. But for me, I prefer to have and wear a few pieces that have stories. Like the diamond stud earrings my husband gave me in the delivery room when our only daughter was born. Or the garnet ring that belonged to my birth mother and her mother before her. Or the necklace my friend gave me for my birthday this year, the week after my son's diagnosis. Or the earrings I bought in Kenya made from antique Venetian trade beads that were once used to buy and sell goods, including slaves. I guess you just can't take the storyteller out of the woman.

3. I have gone to the dark side and learned to love shoes. It's probably the one thing my husband wishes I hadn't picked up from my friends. I never used to care about shoes--probably because I hated my feet. But then I learned of the magic of pedicures a few years back and how painted toenails make all the difference in the world. And I also learned it's okay to wear shoes without hose or socks and that I can indeed walk in heels and suddenly my world opened up. Kitten heels, pirate boots, bright colors and fun patterns. Now I have to keep myself very firmly to one simple rule--my shoes have to fit on the shoe racks in my closet. No spilling over. No stacking on the floor. (This does not apply, of course, to my winter boots, which can be stored away somewhere else during the summer, making room for new sandals without the slightest twinge of conscience on my part.)

4. My not-so-secret-dream is a simple one, encompassed in three words: Live in London. From the moment I set foot outside Victoria Station almost 8 years ago, I knew I belonged there. It was like reverse deja-vu--I knew I had lived there, I just hadn't done it yet. I want to live in a London flat, close to a tube station, with easy access to, well, everything that I love. It's funny--the summer that Chris and I were married we lived in Hong Kong for two months and I swore I was not a big city person. But I think I just hadn't come into myself yet. Now I know who I am, I'm confident in myself, and I can think of nothing I'd rather do than live in the best big city in the world. (It helps that my almost-sister's secret dream is to live in the British countryside--we plan to swap houses at convenient intervals.)

5. I am a geek. There's no two ways about it. I have never been even remotely cool. I offer as evidence the fact that I saw the film PRINCE CASPIAN twice in one week. And loved it. And that brings me to a point I've been meaning to make for a month now, let's call it: BOOKS ARE ALWAYS BETTER THAN MOVIES--EXCEPT ONCE IN A BLUE MOON

To take three recent examples of books-to-film in the same genre.

Up first, HARRY POTTER. I love the films, particularly the three young actors who play the key roles. I've particularly enjoyed the later films. Who wouldn't enjoy seeing Hogwarts come to life, or Diagon Alley, or the Triwizard Tournament? But the books win hands down. To quote my daughter (who started reading the books after seeing the first two films): "Mom, the best thing about the books is that they have absolutely everything in them!" I agree.

Second, THE LORD OF THE RINGS. I thought I would hyperventilate the first time I saw the teaser trailer for the first film--seeing Gandalf and the hobbits and Legolas and Gimli and Boromir and Aragorn striding across the screen . . . And then I saw the first film. You know what? The first time I saw it, I spent a lot of time picking at the things that weren't in it. And then I saw it again, and fell in love with the film for its own sake. It was the same experience with the subsequent two. Once to shake the book out of my head (and believe me, there was a lot of head shaking to be done when it came to the filmmaker's interpretation of Faramir) and then I could look at the films themselves. And they became that rarest of creatures--a series in which I love the books AND the films equally. I thought that was the pinnacle--the most any film or film series could ever hope to achieve.

And then came the film adaptaions of THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA.

The moon must have been bright blue when the Narnia films were made.

Don't get me wrong--I love the books. I owned them all when I was young and read them multiple times. My favorite was THE SILVER CHAIR. Or maybe THE LAST BATTLE. Of course, I really loved THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER as well. And you can't beat the introduction in THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE. And . . .

You get my point.

But coming back to these books as an adult left me hungry for more. More conflict. More character development. More action. C.S. Lewis wrote a wonderful fairy tale world, but the people often read more like outlines than actual human beings.

I think Andrew Adamson, the writer/producer/director of the Narnia films, must have felt the same. Because he managed what I would have believed impossible before--to keep not only the spirit of the books but their structure intact, while coloring in the background with vivid strokes that made all the difference for me.

It's particularly noticeable in PRINCE CASPIAN with the character Peter. In the book, Peter doesn't seem particularly bothered about once more being a teenage boy after having run his own kingdom for some years (granted, the book doesn't give you long in England at the beginning). And when they return to Narnia, Peter is his old kingly self--noble, self-sacrificing, intent only on helping Caspian claim the throne.

Okay, so maybe that's the ideal we should all be striving for. But it makes for a boring story, not to mention the disconnect between actual human beings and this perfect teenager.

But Andrew Adamson, in a stroke of genius, makes Peter real. Angry at being back in London. Disgruntled at having to cope with adolescent jealousies. Delighted to the point of, well, ego when he returns to Narnia ("High King Peter, the Magnificent"). Prone to fighting with Caspian, a foreign claimant to Peter's throne. Stubborn about proving a point even when it's stupid. In other words, a normal teenage boy with an unusual degree of both power and responsibility.

He's also capable of seeing the big picture, of sacrificing his own desires, of humbling himself and seeking help from his youngest sister, of putting himself in personal danger to protect his people, of realizing that growing up means you don't always get what you think you want. In short, a kind of person I would like my own teenage boys to be (without, say, the sword-fighting and risk of death.)

Bravo, Andrew Adamson. Your vision of Narnia is a wonderful addition to C.S. Lewis. I, for one, thank you for it.

(Told you I was a geek.)

2008-06-02T08:37:00.003-07:00

MAY READS

YEAR OF MAGICAL THINKING/Joan Didion/A
I reviewed this when I read it the first time last year. I wasn't sure I could re-read it for book club (it deals with grief in the year after Didon's husband died and she dealt with the serious illness of her only child), but I did and I'm awfully glad. Everything she wrote resonated for me in a way it couldn't have before my son's cancer. I liked it the first time--I loved it the second time.

CHEATING AT SOLITAIRE/Jane Haddam/B+
In this newest Gregor Demarkian mystery, Gregor is only too glad to leave Philadelphia and the frenzy of wedding preparations for an investigation on a fictional resort island. Loosely based on communities like the Hamptons or Martha's Vineyard, the island has been invaded by movie people and do-nothing celebrities for a film production. A true Nor'Easter blows through on New Year's Eve and a young man from the film crew is found dead in his truck. Filled with the wonderful characters that Haddam excels at, the book is a scathing look at celebrity culture and the people who feed on it. But her novel structure is sometimes so complicated that five minutes after finishing I'm not quite sure who the killer was or why. Still, I love Gregor and Bennis and will keep coming back for more.

JANE AND THE BARQUE OF FRAILTY/Stephanie Barron/A-
The newest Jane Austen mystery finds Jane staying in London with her brother, Henry, and his wife, Eliza, while she oversees the production of her first novel, SENSE AND SENSIBILITY. When a young Russian woman is found dead on the doorstep of a leading politician, Jane and Eliza come under suspicion of murder. To clear their names, Jane must look into treason and the society of high-paid courtesans. The late Lord Harold helps Jane once more, providing clues in his papers that he entrusted to Jane. A satisfying look at the early 1800s.

CARELESS IN RED/Elizabeth George/A++
I had a serious case of nerves heading into this newest in the Inspector Lynley series. George set herself a monumental task when she killed of a critical character in the book before this and I knew she would have to write an absolutely astounding book to follow up. She did. The book opens with Lynley walking Cornwall trying to escape his grief. On the 45th day of his walk, he finds a body at the bottom of a cliff and thus is reluctantly is drawn into the world once more. George creates a mystery as compelling as Lynley's personal storyline and that's no mean feat. She opens a window into the Cornish surfing community and into the hearts of damaged families. All I can say is "Brava! You delivered."

THE FLY HAS A HUNDRED EYES/Aileen G. Barron/B-
Set in Palestine on the eve of WWII, Barron's book follows a female archaeologist whose name I can't remember. That will tell you most of what you need to know about this book--the setting was fabulous and the premise is intriguing (a British archaeologist is killed in the midst of terror attacks on Jerusalem and an artifact goes missing), but the characters were unfortunately forgettable. If you're interested in the time or place, you might enjoy this. Otherwise, I'd give it a miss.

THE SUBTLE KNIFE/Phillip Pullman/B
The second in The Golden Compass trilogy, it opens with a boy named Will in a world that's obviously meant to be ours. In trying to escape pursuit, he tumbles into a world haunted by Specters. It's here that we meet up with Lyra once more and she's nearly as engaging (but not quite.) Will and Lyra have to work together to find out about Dust, about Lord Asriel's plans, and about Will's missing father. They also have to retrieve the Subtle Knife, a weapon that can cut anything, including doorways into other worlds. Helped by the witches and the valiant Texan from the first book, Will and Lyra set out upon the journey that will end in the next book. (A word about the atheism--it's much more pronounced in this book and I imagine will continue stronger in the third. Clearly Pullman has no use for religion or God in any sense. That's his choice. As for me, I like Lyra and Will well enough to follow them to the end of their journey.)

2008-05-31T18:28:00.005-07:00

I'VE BEEN BUGGED

A Body Bugg, that is.

If you don't know what that is, well, neither did I. Not until one showed up in my Mother's Day gifts. My husband knows how hard I've been trying to lose weight. And how frustrating it's been between medication, a year of mono, being almost 40, and the stress of this year. (No, I am not one of those people who loses weight when stressed. Boo hoo.)

But now I have all the information I need. The Body Bugg is a device that I wear around my upper arm and it track how many calories I burn. Not just the ones from exercising, mind you, but all the normal energy expended walking from one room to the other, folding laundry, putting dishes away, writing at the computer, and, you know, breathing.

If it stopped there, it might just be a cool device. But it's part of an online program that provides help in setting goals, coaching support, daily menus, and a great template for keeping track of calories consumed. Check it out here: http://www.bodybugg.com/index.php

I've been a very good girl for several weeks now. And it's starting to show on the scale. You know the biggest surprise? How much work it takes to burn enough to lose even a pound a week. The best part for me of the Body Bugg is that it provides constant feedback so I know what I still have to do by the end of the day. And looking at the numbers (particularly if they're falling on the scale) is a great motivation. It's much easier to walk away from the 200 calorie brownie when I know exactly how long I'll have to be on the elliptical to make up for it. The Body Bugg is a sort of risk/benefit device--no wonder I got it from my accountant husband.

I have to confess, though--the temptations continue. What I wouldn't give right now to have a doughnut for breakfast, a bacon cheeseburger for lunch, lobster ravioli for dinner, and cheesecake for dessert.

But I won't.

Even though I really, really want to.

2008-05-30T16:08:00.002-07:00

This morning was a first for me--The First Time I Sent My Child On An Airplane Alone.

Mind you, this child is nearly 15 and closing in on 6 feet tall. But still . . .

By the way, the "nearly" 15 part is important. Under the age of 15, Delta requires you to pay a 100 dollar fee for them to chaperone the child to and from the airplanes on both ends of the flight. When we reached the check-in desk this morning, the man asked my son, "How old are you?"

"Fourteen."

"Are you sure you're not fifteen?" the man asked. "No one else is going to ask and you look pretty capable of handling a non-stop flight by yourself. So how old are you?"

"Fifteen," my son said.

He was quite pleased with this turn of events, having no desire for a chaperone. And it's not like he hasn't flown plenty, including through several African airports. But he's never been on his own.

He wisely held his tongue while I showed him how to read everything on his boarding pass, told him how to find the gate once he was through security, pointed out all the things he needed to remove from his person or his carry-on bag so he could get through security, told him to ask an airline employee anything at any time, and generally acted like a nervous mother. My children aren't used to that--they're used to the mom who says, "Okay, whatever, have fun!"

He took it well, though. I asked him if he was all right. He assured me he was. I, on the other hand, felt like I was sending him to kindergarten all over again. What if he couldn't find the gate? What if he didn't make the plane? What if someone was mean to him?

I'm glad to report that all is well, he is safely in Boston in the hands of his father tonight.

Fortunately, they're flying home together on Tuesday so I don't have to go through this again.

2008-05-02T07:41:00.002-07:00

APRIL BOOKS

Hmmm, not my best reading month ever. I don't think there are any A grades in what follows:

EVANS ABOVE/Rhys Bowen/B+
Evan Evans (known as Evans-the-law) is a police constable in a small town in Wales. When two men die on the local mountain on the same day, Evans suspects it's more than a climbing accident. A good enough mystery and I did like Evans--I don't know why this wasn't a better book for me. Maybe it was just too slender, and I don't mean in length. A good way to pass a couple of hours, but not compelling enough for me to rush out and find more Evans books.

DIRK GENTLY'S HOLISTIC DETECTIVE AGENCY/Douglas Adams/B
I really wanted to love this one, being as I'm such a fan of HITCHIKER'S GUIDE. But for whatever reason, the off-beat humor didn't gel into a great book. It's got odd situations (a horse appearing in a bathroom in Cambridge, a ghost wondering why he was just killed, and an alien trying to destroy the world. Maybe that was it--too many disparate threads. At least in HITCHIKER'S GUIDE you could name the central problem--Earth is destroyed, Arthur is the only human survivor. Maybe I'll re-read that this month.

TELLING LIES FOR FUN AND PROFIT/Lawrence Block/A-
Block is a prolific (was? he might be dead now, that's bad that I don't know) author of mysteries and thrillers. This non-fiction book is a collection of essays grouped thematically for writers. Some I really enjoyed. The book ends with "A Prayer from a Writer" that I thought was particularly good.

A SPIDER'S THREAD/Laura Lippman/A-
Another one I really wanted to love and it came close. I've loved the two stand alone's of Lippman's that I've read--this is the first of her Tess Monaghan series that I've picked up. Tess is a private detective in Baltimore who's asked by an Orthodox Jew to find out why his wife has vanished with their 3 children. I liked the multiple viewpoints in the story, liked Tess herself (although not overwhelmingly), and thought the mystery was quite good. It didn't get an A because it became more of a thriller than a mystery and just didn't engage me as much when I knew what was going on before the end. But a good book.

A WALK IN THE WOODS/Bill Bryson/A
A ha! An A book. It was a re-read, me reading aloud to my husband as we drove to and from Oregon over spring break. Bill Bryson on the Appalachian trail, I reviewed it sometime last year. Still funny. Still engaging. Still Bryson.

CRITICAL CONDITIONS & MANNER OF DEATH/Stephen White/B
White was the guest of honor at Left Coast Crime and I got these two paperbacks free in my bag. I enjoyed them well enough, but doubt I'll look for more on my own. Both are part of the Alan Gregory series about a clinical psychologist in Boulder, Colorado with an attorney wife and a cop friend. They're thrillers, with Gregory in both books trying to balance his ethical requirement to keep patient confidentialiaty with his need to keep himself or others alive. Gregory himself didn't do much for me, probably the number one reason I won't bother with more books about him unless they fall into my lap. But I read both of them quickly and did want to know how the stories turned out, so take that for what it's worth.

THE GOLDEN COMPASS/Phillip Pullman/A-
This was my favorite of the new books I read this month. Actually, we started out listening to it on CD while we drove to Zion National Park last week. When we got home, I picked it up in my daughter's room to finish. Lyra lives in a world a good deal like ours, but with some signifcant differences --like the fact that every human has a daemon, a sort of soul embodied outside of them. Lyra and her daemon become caught up in the world of religion and politics and when a rare instrument falls into her hands, she must use it to help save abducted children and her imprisoned uncle. There are wonderful fantasy touches like armored bears and mechanical spy bugs, but Pullman's gift is in creating a world with people who are as real as anyone around you. I loved Lyra and can't wait to finish the series to see what happens to her.

2008-05-01T13:43:00.002-07:00

IMAGINE THAT

A post about writing.

Even more amazing, a post about writing that isn't filled with moans and groans and whining. (Which is kind of hard to get away with, since every time I start to whine about how hard writing is, there's that annoying voice in my head going, "Well, it's not like anyone's forcing you to do this!")

Yesterday and today, I actually wrote. Fiction. More than a couple of sentences. In fact, I got chapter 6 and chapter 7 of Annest in fairly good shape. It's the first serious writing I've done since February and it feels wonderful. Last night I went to bed thinking, "So that's what I like about writing."

I've been at this too long to believe this will last forever. The trick is to celebrate when it comes. (The other trick being, of course, how to keep working even when it goes.)

I'm not going to make promises about what I'll finish when--life this year is teaching me too much about flexibility and chaos--but my goal is to have this wrapped up and ready to send out sometime this summer. How's that for a nice, loose, easygoing kind of goal?

2008-04-22T15:54:00.003-07:00

SIXTEEN AND COUNTING

Years, that is. In honor of our wedding anniversary, I have a few words to say about my husband.

What is your husband’s name? Chris

How long have you been together? First date December 3, 1986 (both 17 years old). Engaged December 3, 1991. Married April 22, 1992.How long did you date? Not quite for the entire 5 years—for 3 years we weren’t even on the same continent (he went to Brazil, I went to Haiti, he went to Israel . . .)

Who eats more? Definitely me.

Who said “I love you” first? Chris. At the age of 18. (But I definitely thought it first!)

Who is taller? Chris, by more than 5 inches.

Who is smarter? Chris. I don’t even begin to understand his work.

Who is more sensitive? I suppose that would have to be me—if you consider crying over commercials, watching Jane Austen films, and occasionally talking about my feelings to be sensitive.

Who does the laundry? The kids. (Yeah, right, in my dreams.)

Who does the dishes? The automatic dishwasher.

Who sleeps on the right? It’s not a matter of right or left, it’s a matter of nearer the door and farther away. I have to be farther away from the door. (You know, so I have time to jump out the second-floor window while a crazed ax murderer kills Chris first. I'm old-fashioned that way.)

Who pays the bills? Chris makes the money, I write the checks.

Who mows the lawn? Our lawn service. Seriously. Don’t laugh.

Who cooks dinner? Since Jake got sick, our family and friends. And the take-out places. Even before, you couldn’t call what I did cooking.

Who drives when you are together? He likes it when I drive, so he can work. Unless we're going a long way (think Klamath Falls) and then he likes to drive so I can read aloud.

Who is more stubborn? With each other? Neither. With others? I’ll almost always give in to have peace.

Who kissed whom first? He kissed me, but only after I made a perfect fool of myself hinting around. (We were only in high school, remember?)

Who asked who out first? He asked me, but only because he felt sorry for me. (Long story about Academic Decathlon and my GPA. If you haven’t heard it, count yourself lucky.) We went to a BYU-Utah State basketall game. It was the first time in 10 years BYU beat Utah State. Talk about omens.

Who proposed? He did. In a parking lot. Another long story.

Who has more siblings? Chris wins by a landslide, with four brothers and two sisters. All older. I have one younger brother.

"If I could choose from every man who lives on this earth . . ."

Happy Anniversary.

Love you.

2008-04-07T15:39:00.005-07:00

MARCH BOOKS

Only a little late this month :)

DARK FIRE/CJ Sansom/B
2nd in the Matthew Shardlake series set in Tudor England. Lawyer Shardlake is drawn back into the world of conspiracy when his old employer, Cromwell, needs help finding some missing Greek fire (also known as Dark fire). Able to burn ships on the water, it would be a formidable weapon for whomever ends up with it. Shardlake agrees to help, but in the midst of tracking down a killer trying to sell Greek fire to the highest bidder, he also has to find evidence to clear a young woman of murder. Good period atmosphere and an introduction of a new sidekick for Shardlake, but the whole was less than the sum of its parts. I don't know why.

A FATAL GRACE and THE CRUELEST MONTH/Louise Penny/A+
I read Penny's debut novel in January, introducing Armand Gamache of the Quebec Surete. The next two in the series see Gamache returning to the small town of Three Pines--the first time to connect the murder of a highly unpleasant woman and the overlooked death of a homeless woman shortly before; the second time to deal with a death during a seance. This is my favorite new author/series since discovering Reginald Hill and the Dalziel/Pascoe books. My only complaint is that I came into this series too early--there aren't any more books yet! The greatest strength is Gamache himself, a man of principle and great kindness who is paying for a choice he made against the wishes of his colleagues. That choice and its consequences run through all three books like a thread, culminating in a wonderful sub-plot in THE CRUELEST MONTH. If you like Ruth Rendell's Inspector Wexford or P.D. James' Adam Dalgliesh, treat yourself to Armand Gamache.

TUNNELS/Michelle Gagnon/B
I'm not much for serial killer novels, but I heard Michelle at LCC and picked up her first novel recently. In the old tunnels beneath a New England college, there's more going on than lovers' trysts. When the daughter of a mafia boss is murdered, FBI agent Kelly Jones returns to her alma mater to track down the killer. A great thriller that I raced through in two days--I would have graded it higher if there had been more about Kelly herself. Especially given that she was back on her own college campus, I wanted some connection there. But a good snowy day read.

ISABELLA MOON/Laura Benedict/A-
Okay, you all know I was anxious to read this even before I met Laura at LCC. I delayed beginning it until I knew I had a couple days in a row to devote to reading. And I needed them. Isabella Moon disappeared from her small Kentucky town two years ago. Now Kate Russell claims that she knows where Isabella's body is buried--because Isabella's ghost has shown her. The sheriff doesn't know what to make of Kate, and he's worried about the sudden death of a high school athlete and the murder of one of Kate's friends. And Kate has her own secrets--ones that won't stay hidden much longer. Benedict does a masterful job of plotting, no mean feat in a novel this complex. I loved the multiple POVs, the flashbacks into Kate's past, and the sheriff. My favorite parts of the novel were the appearances of Isabella and others to Kate. It's the one element that I wish had been, I don't know, explored more. In any case, Benedict weaves all the storylines into a strong conclusion and her pacing was dead on. And I absolutely loved the ending. For me, the last couple chapters put this book from a good one to a great one.

THE LOST CONTINENT/Bill Bryson/A
Travelling through small-town America.
Writing about it.
Bill Bryson.
Enough said :)

JANE-EMILY/Patricia Clapp/B
A reprint of a 1960s mid-grade ghost story. Set in early 20th-century New England, orphaned Emily spends the summer with her young aunt and her grandmother in a rambling house where her Aunt Jane died years before as a child. Soon Emily is being haunted by the ruthless Jane, and those who love her have to save her. I put it aside for my 9-year-old daughter to read--it's just the right level of scariness for her. Not quite enough for me.

JULIE AND JULIA/Julie Powell/A-
Nearly-30-year-old Julie Powell decides to cook every recipe in Julia Child's "Mastering the Art of French Cooking". In one year. Her blog about the experience turned into newpaper, magazine, and television interviews, and then a book deal. I put the minus sign because of her too-often-for-me swearing, but this is a funny book about something that I will personally never do but loved reading about. Cooking eggs in gelatin? Using an axe to split open a cow's thigh bone and get out the marrow? Deboning a duck without losing the essential shape? The chapters on Julie's exploits are interspersed with peeks at Julia Child's life before she decided to take up cooking in France. Made me want to buy "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" even if I never cook anything from it.

SNOW FLOWER AND THE SECRET FAN/Lisa See/B+
A book club selection; I liked it better than I expected to. And more than THE GOOD EARTH which was our last book set in China. In 19th-century China, Lily is bound to Snow Flower as lifelong friends at the age of 6. This relationship--more important in its rituals and meanings than anything except marriage--changes the course of both their lives. Using nu shu (a form of writing developed by women for private communication), Lily and Snow Flower stay connected even as their lives diverge. The descriptions of foot binding are both graphic and sad, and I'm awfully glad I never had to serve in my in-laws' home as a servant to prove my worth. The book didn't go as deeply as I would have liked into Lily's emotions, particularly when a misunderstanding leads to a rupture between her and Snow Flower. But still a book I would recommend.

2008-03-19T10:29:00.003-07:00

FEBRUARY BOOKS

Yes, I'm late.

No, I'm not sorry.

(Okay, I really am, but I'm trying to play it cool here and pretend that February didn't just vanish into a black hole of weird cancer treatment alternate reality.)

DREAMS FROM MY FATHER/Barack Obama/A-: This was for book club. Written years before he thought of running for president, this is aan intriguing look at growing up in America and abroad with a white mother and an absent black African father. I was particularly interested in Obama's account of his first trip to Kenya to meet his father's family, having spent time there myself. I admire him as a man and a person and I'm glad I read this book. (But that's not inspiring me to pick up the political books--I'm just not into partisan politics of any variety.)

IN A DRY SEASON/Peter Robinson/B: I wanted to give this a higher grade. I might have, if I'd rated it earlier. But as time has passed, I've grown more so-so about the book as a whole. Being a fan of Reginald Hill, you'd think I'd be overjoyed at finding a different series about Yorkshire policemen. But Inspector Banks left me a little cold--too much drinking, too much feeling sorry for himself after his wife has left, not enough reason to like him. The story was a strong one--a body from WWII is discovered when a flooded town dries up--but I preferred the past chapters to the present which doesn't bode well for other Banks stories. I may read another one, but I won't go out of my way to do it.

THE PROFESSOR AND THE MADMAN/Simon Winchester/A: This book, on the other hand, I loved. It's the true story of the making of the Oxford English dictionary and its most unusual contributor--an American Civil War surgeon held in a British institution for the criminally insane. It weaves the story of the doctor and his descent into insanity and murder with the complicated personalities that launched the most important dictionary in history. And I learned a new word that I adore: chance-medley (an accident or casualty not merely happenstance but indicating tragedy as a consequence.)

A PALE HORSE/Charles Todd/B: I love Inspector Ian Rutledge and I love the evocation of Britain just after WWI, but I'm beginning to tire of Todd's stories. This one was particularly hard to follow as Rutledge kept literally moving from one place to another and back again, following two different crimes. I wanted to yell: "Pick a place and stay there until you learn something!" This was atmospheric, but the story was forgettable and I'm starting to weary of Rutledge not moving forward. I think the problem is sticking only with Rutledge's POV--I feel like I know him pretty well by this point and I'm not getting a chance to know or care about the other people in the books.

THE CRAZED/Ha Jin/D: Sometimes I love literary books, sometimes not so much. This one was the latter. A Chinese graduate student in literature spend afternoons sitting by the bed of his professor who has had a stroke. The stroke leads the older man to share all sorts of stories and opinions that might be better left unsaid. Throw in the Tianmen Square protests, and it could have been more interesting than it was. But the language itself fell flat for me and I didn't care about a single person in the novel.

TOUCHSTONE/Laurie R. King/A+: After reading A PALE HORSE, I read this one and thought, "This is how it should be done." This stand-alone by the Mary Russell Holmes author, is also set in post-WWI Britain (1926) with an American FBI agent trying to track down an anarchist bomber among the British upper classes. Told from multiple viewpoints, I was invested in every character, whether I liked them or not. A satisfying main plot, as well as the fascinating subplot of a former British soldier who can feel far more than he wants to since an injury in France. Plus an ending that blew me away (pardon the pun). A heartbreakingly beautiful story.

2008-03-11T10:15:00.003-07:00

WHY I LOVED LEFT COAST CRIME

1. The panels. Lots of interesting and informative discussions. And my own pet opinion was confirmed: There are two kinds of writers--those who outline and those who don't. And they will never understand one another.

2. The Tattered Cover Bookstore on Denver's 16th street pedestrian mall. A smaller version of Powell's in Portland (my favorite bookstore ever)--hardcovers, paperbacks, used books, books you don't find at the local Barnes and Noble. Two floors and two evenings of browsing fun. (And not all for myself--I bought books for my four kids and my husband. Okay, so I bought myself more. Sue me.)

3. The Book Room run by Tom and Enid Schantz of Rue Morgue. Almost every break between panels for three days I spent in the book room--buying books, eyeing handcuffs and t-shirts, and standing in line for author signings. Which brings me to . . .

4. The Authors. They're real, they're funny, and they're kind. At least all the ones I met were. Some of my favorites:

Stephanie Barron--writes the Jane Austen mysteries, of which I owned all but the most recent. So I bought the most recent and had her sign it. We had a good discussion about Lord Harold and hateful email. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, you'll have to read the series, which begins with JANE AND THE UNPLEASANTNESS AT SCARGRAVE MANOR).

Aileen Baron--wrote her first book at the age of 75. She's a Near Eastern archaeologist and her books are set in Palestine in the late 1930s and 1940s. She had the funniest line of the conference--when she said that American women of that period weren't allowed to run digs, but many British women did. Her explanation? "I think it has something to do with field hockey." I even got her to sign that line in my copy of her book.

Craig Johnson--he writes about a Wyoming sheriff. I've wanted to read his books for a long time. So after listening to him on a panel, I bought the first and had him sign it. We discussed living in the West (he's from Wyoming) and how Easterners don't quite get the idea of audiobooks the same way Westerners do.

Carl Brookins--I sat next to him at the banquet dinner. He is a true gentleman. And anyone who write about a character named Sean Sean who isn't Irish is someone whose books I want to read.

Laura Benedict--her first published novel came out last year, ISABELLA MOON. Another one I've had on my list to read, and I couldn't buy it fast enough after listening to her speak on a panel called Mindgames and Manhunts. She's everything I would like to be--polished, professional, self-deprecating, funny, and truly kind. She was the first author I've ever asked to sign a book and she talked to me as though she'd never been more delighted in her life than to meet me. I was so charmed, that I bid on and won a silent auction item that she offered, which I'll get to later.

And speaking of charming . . . MARCUS SAKEY--His second crime novel came out in January. I've heard his name (I suppose "seen" is a more accurate word) on DorothyL, but would never have approached him at LCC if not for the fact that he has wonderfully curly hair. Does that sound odd? I'm sure he thought so. But when I explained that my son has cancer and has lost his hair and that his biggest fear is that it will grow back in curly . . . well, he was graciousness itself. He signed a book for my son (admonishing him not to use any of the words in the book) and wrote him a note and let me take his picture. I have never in my life done anything like that, but he made me feel like I was only a mother, not a candidate for institutionalization.

5. The Silent Auction. There were gift baskets, signed books, character names and other wonderful things up for auction. (All the proceeds benefited the Reading for the Blind and Dyslexic in Colorado.) I bid on two critiques and won them both. (Well, okay, my friend Katie bid on one for me so I wouldn't look greedy.) For a total of 85.00 I won a 15 page critique from Chris Roerden, author of my favorite mystery writing book HOW NOT TO MURDER YOUR MYSTERY. And I won a 30 page critique from Laura Benedict. I can't begin to express how excited I am about both. (Hmmm, not being able to express myself doesn't bode well for my critique pages.)

6. The Volunteers. Christine Goff was absolutely splendid, both as an organizer and a person. Katie and I bought a book for a friend and wanted it signed, but it turned out the author had had to cancel at the last moment. Christine knows the author and she volunteered to get the book signed and mail it to us. Everything ran smoothly and efficiently from an attendee's point of view and I thank all of those who worked so hard to make it look effortless.

7. My friends. Katie and I knew we traveled well together. We've spent ten days in Dubai and Oman, we've driven to Portland to visit my dying birth mother, so four days in Denver was nothing but pleasure. We talked, we listened to Bill Bryson's NOTES FROM A SMALL ISLAND as we drove across Wyoming, we talked some more, and we met Becca. I've known Becca for almost five years now through our online class and critique group, but I've only met her briefly in person twice. I was a bit nervous about sharing four days and a hotel room with her, but I need not have worried. She is a kindred spirit, in all the wonderful Anne of Green Gables ways possible. We're planning to do our future book signings together. And we're figuring out what the other one can offer at future silent auctions.

I don't think there was anything I didn't like about LCC. (Okay, so I did learn that no one should ever follow me when I'm both walking and talking--I apparently can't talk and find my way out of a paper bag at the same time.) But when people ask what's the best thing I came away with, I have a simple answer . . .

I came away with inspiration, motivation, and the absolute assurance that this is the world I fit in. I am a writer. I will always be a writer. I am not odd, I am not crazy, and I am not stupid for wanting it. My writing may be slower this year as I spend time in hospitals and make sure Jacob gets well, but it's not going away.

Totally worth the time and money to rediscover that truth.

Thanks, Left Coast Crime.